FanPost

Weighty Issues of State ;)

While we all debate the merits or demerits of contracts, their length and expense, who should stay and who should go, a troubling question comes to my mind. Namely, how long is Dinger's contract? Did the Rockies sell their soul to the devil when they signed off on Dinger, or is it just the first and least publicized bad deal they ever made?

Somewhere in an office building in Denver, back in the early 90s, somebody got paid to hatch even the very idea of this preposterous signing, and I'm demanding to know who that person was. They must be held accountable for the years of salary that have been thrown at this dinosaur. He's annoying at the ballpark, and downright embarrassing on camera. Whilst watching last season's playoffs on the tube, I found myself deeply troubled. "The Rockies have finally made it big, and the entire country is looking only at Barney's forgotten cousin" is all I could think about. "Is this any way for a grown-up franchise to act?"

All sarcasm aside, it is my fervent and passionate belief that Dinger must go. Well, maybe not passionate, but still....Dinger has to go. And while I believe this with all my heart, I confess that I am at a complete loss as to what (or who) should replace him. I've racked my middle-aged brain for a good 10 minutes or so about this, and haven't come up with a decent idea. Truthfully, I would love a mascot along the lines of the Philly Phanatic parading around Coors, (without some of the attitude, mind you), but can't think of what (or who) that would be.

Then, of course, it came to me! My fellow Rockies In Arms on the Row will have an idea or 20! So, here's our task friends. We must come up with a replacement for Dinger. Whether that replacement looks cute enough to sell plush toys should not be the only criteria. Said replacement must relate Colorado. Or not. I still don't know what the Phanatic has to do with Philadelphia, but he's an institution. Said replacement must have some amusement value, and I'm not talking about the sarcastic kind. (I can handle that end for everyone.) Said replacement could maybe have something to do with baseball. Or not. In other words, who's got an idea?

Funny what you come across when you Google Dinger.

Eat. Drink. Be Merry. But the above FanPost does not necessarily reflect the attitudes, opinions, or views of Purple Row's staff (unless, of course, it's written by the staff [and even then, it still might not]).

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