Suggestions for Improvement
Squeaky is one of those constantly happy, annoyingly optimistic sort of people. Put with an early bedtime and lots of sleep, I've decided the only way to deal with this schneid is to make fun of it. Everyone: Fans, Coaches, players, etc is taking this very seriously/sullenly. Not saying they shouldn't, just saying that's what I see. So my brilliant idea was to lighten it up a bit.
I woke up with the song "Heart" from Damn Yankees stuck in my head. Go figure. I think we need all our heart back...
Anywho. Here are my ideas for some improvement. Not really sure how any of them is supposed to work. At the very least it would make the games incredibly amusing to watch.
1. Pull up all the socks and turn hats inside out.
2. Dunk Tulo in the fountain for a symbolic "rebirth"
3. Change the colors for one day to neons.
4. Hold the bats upside down and convince the pitcher to roll the ball instead.
5. Whenever the pitcher is about to throw, all fielders turn in a circle. You can just imagine the batter thinking, "what the heck?!" and then striking out badly.
6. Change the lineup so it's exactly like last year's. Sans Matsui, otherwise the same.
7. Send everyone into a deep hypnosis induced trance and make them believe that it's October 2007.
8. Clone them all. Genetically enhance the clones and have them play the games, then send the real ones out as a super secret crime fighting force, complete with Matrix-like soundtrack.
9. Blow raspberries at the DBacks.
10. Strategically placed trapdoors under the field that are used to remove players when they are not doing well. Players will remain in time out for five whole minutes before being allowed to return.
11. Geysers that randomly blow the bases off whenever an opponent is standing on it.
12. Secret voodoo rituals held on the very top of the rockpile under the full moon at midnight, then repeated at high noon.
13. Release Iannetta and Buchholz from the bullpen bathroom where they were locked all of last season via battering ram and an army of dancing robots.
Thirteen reasons. Anyone else have any ideas?
Aside: I just thought I lost this WHOLE post. I was going to be SO upset.
Eat. Drink. Be Merry. But the above FanPost does not necessarily reflect the attitudes, opinions, or views of Purple Row's staff (unless, of course, it's written by the staff [and even then, it still might not]).
8 recs |
12 comments
Comments
I should have not been reading this while attempting to eat
On #11, I almost choked on my apple.
PLEASE DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!
by Silverblood on Apr 29, 2008 3:56 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
I love
maybe they should try these before tonight’s game
by RoxRock on Apr 29, 2008 5:27 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
I suggest
We play by George Carlin Rules:
1. Every batter gets one swing, that’s it.
2. If the pitcher hits the batter with the ball, the batter’s out. Ubaldo might win a Cy Young with that rule in place.
3. Randomly placed land mines in the outfield. “There’s Byrnes, settling under it-”BOOM!
Every day is a Holliday!
by free7694 on Apr 29, 2008 7:51 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
I love #5
I’d watch the game just for that.
"Hold on a minute, there are three important, brilliant, and complicated reasons why you should listen to me."
by kishi on Apr 30, 2008 10:33 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
Another suggestion
Let’s just have Atkins play 2nd and Iannetta play 3rd against a pitcher with a 1.23 ERA
Every day is a Holliday!
by free7694 on Apr 30, 2008 10:42 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
And then
get away with it while Iannetta scores two runs and Atkins looks like his pal Utley out there.
Mrs. Silverblood Fankles
by Silverblood on Apr 30, 2008 10:47 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
This just
received it’s fifth rec, so it became the first recommended FanPost.
"Don't give up the ship!" - Capt. James Lawrence
Purple Row - Covering all your Rockies needs!
by Russ Oates on Apr 30, 2008 12:29 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
Drop Corpas
Why did we sign him so early when we have all those years of arbitration….. he is really unproven
:(
by lizardlad01 on May 2, 2008 10:31 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
IAWC
drop Corpas off somewhere like the Bermuda Triangle.
"Baseball is what gets inside you. It's what lights you up, you can't deny that. It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great." -Jimmy Dougan (Tom Hanks) "A League of Their Own"
by Rocktober 2007 on May 2, 2008 11:15 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Great thoughts!
I especially like 1, 3, 5, and 11. Hey, what they’re doing isn’t working, so why not try some of these?
It's like living with a six-year old.
by 4 Corners Fan on May 3, 2008 10:12 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
It all starts at the top
Fire Hurdle and Apadaca, there is a reason why none of our pitchers throw strikes anymore.
by wolf213 on May 3, 2008 10:51 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs

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