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Monday Morning Rockpile: Lottery in June, World Series be coming soon.

As anybody can tell, it's been just about a complete and total group effort for the team's abysmal failures thus far. The blame is too diffuse to do any good. You saw me on Saturday, I was too scrambled with the misery to keep a coherent train of thought. Everything looks bad, so we're just spinning our wheels here and any complaint will seem valid but ultimately futile. There are too many elephants to eat, regardless of how many bites we start off with. So what I propose instead is that we just narrow our focus and blame to one individual. We need a scapegoat.

Thescapegoat-williamholmanhunt_medium

via upload.wikimedia.org

 

Okay, I know a lot of you want Clint Hurdle's blood, a few wouldn't mind Dan O'Dowd or the Monforts, or players like Jorge de la Rosa or Yorvit Torrealba, but that's not how scapegoats work. It's got to be somebody who we can blame for all the team's failures so the guys who really are failing (everybody else) can feel better about themselves and then get back on track. In other words, it's got to be somebody relatively blameless for this season. Aaron Cook? What are you kidding? We can't give up our best guy. Jason Hirsh is relatively blameless, I mean he hasn't even played this season, but then the Rockies -who let's face it- have had some religious issues in the past, might not want to deal with the ramifications of blaming the Jewish guy. So Hirsh is definitely out.

Spilly? I probably ruined that possibility myself last year when I thought he was Jewish too, but it turns out he's just Belgian. Let's just not go there, because it's sort of embarrassing for me and besides, he's our second best player right now. Really, we need all the help we can get.

Okay, so by my count, that leaves us four candidates for a worthy scapegoat. All are young, pretty decent but not spectacularly enough where they're too valuable to exclude themselves from consideration for bearing the burden of the team's miserable play in 2008:

  • Chris Iannetta
  • Ian Stewart
  • Seth Smith
  • Taylor Buchholz

I'm going to put their names in a hat, and draw one out for the Official Purple Row Scapegoat of the Week. If anything goes wrong with the team, it's that guy's fault. Yorvit Torrealba GIDP's, you blame the scapegoat. Glendon Rusch gives up two three run bombs in the first inning, you blame the scapegoat.

Everybody clear on this? Good, I feel much better about the team already. I'll have the name of the OPRSW by tonight's game thread, so if there are any objections to the candidates, come up with them quick.

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Oh, I wouldn't do it that way

I’d throw in Hurdle, Bob Appodacca, Steve Bartman, Bill Buckner and Dinger. Those seem to be more applicable blanket type scapegoats. Or we can blame an actual goat….on 2nd thought, nah…that’s been done to death.

On another note: Your Colorado Rockies on pace for 57 -105 season! We can do better than that…we can lose 110!

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:03 AM MDT   0 recs

Hmm...

Maybe Dinger. Like I said in the post, the scapegoat can’t actually be somebody worthy of blame because that person couldn’t derive any benefit from the goat’s atoning powers of covering up their suckiness. Bartman would qualify in this respect, but as far as I can tell, scapegoats can’t actually be used more than once .

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 11:21 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

uoh

lots of Rules. This is going to get complicated if you can only use a scape goat once….cause this looks like a long season with the need for lots of scape goats

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:24 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Luckily we have a deep farm system.

You never knew how handy that would come in this year, did you? Besides, if we run out of prospects, we can always start bumping off the beer vendors.

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 11:26 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

BEER VENDORS?

I dunno about beer vendors….I’m personally VERY pro-beer vendors, especially while watching this Rockies team. However, I’m anti-cotton candy vendor…....they don’t have sugar free cotton candy! and worse, when you ask them they don’t get the joke!

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:43 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Okay so, beer vendors fall into that Cook/Spillborghs camp:

Too valuable to the franchise to sacrifice. Got it.

I thought I invented sugar free cotton candy, but it turns out it wasn’t really candy at all and just cotton.

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 11:49 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Dinger?

I support the nomination of Dinger here. As much as I love me some Rockies, he/she/it makes me irrationally angry for some reason. I’ve never quite been able to understand why. I don’t have this problem with any other mascots.

In other news, actually typing out the previous paragraph has made me realize that this season may have caused some loss of sanity.

by CeeDub on Jun 2, 2008 11:27 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Just to push a guy when he's at the edge of the roof top

hehe

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:48 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:04 AM MDT   0 recs

...

Had to post it again.

Anyways, I’ll blame Denny Nagle.

by roxintober on Jun 2, 2008 11:06 AM MDT   0 recs

Howabout

Denny Neagle’s Hooker?

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:11 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Yep. Too skanky.

Whatever we’re offering this scapegoat up to isn’t going to be happy with this choice at all.

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 11:23 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

I've been on record

as saying this is the Curse of the Rockies: The Curse of Denny Neagle’s Hooker.

Baseball has the Curse of the Bambino, and the Curse of the Billy Goat…..but what do the Rockies have to explain their ineptitude? Nothing. So….we need a good curse…......The Curse of Denny Neagle’s Hooker !

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:27 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

The Curse of the Bimbo? Bimbino? Bimborino?

Eh, I don’t see why we don’t just blame Hampton and be done with it. it seems to work for the Braves fans.

by CeeDub on Jun 2, 2008 11:30 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

But then

I can’t post the Hooker picture…..(Neagle, actually paid, money and put his contract in jeopardy for this “hottie”

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:40 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

I'm going with

The Curse of the World Series Ticket Debacle.

Still pissed….

by holliday5 on Jun 2, 2008 11:45 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

so trying

not the think of that. Luckily this year’s team is making last fall seem a LONG LONG time ago

Colorado Rockies: Continuing a long tradition of playing meaningless games in June!

by Redhawk on Jun 2, 2008 11:50 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Wow, Michael Bolton looks bad without makeup!!

What was Neagle thinking? But whatever I guess; when a man loves a woman!!

Somebody stole my Rocktober!!

by Charlie77 on Jun 2, 2008 11:38 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Oh wow!

what a comparison!

by David OhNo on Jun 3, 2008 7:15 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Oh, and I'm just sick........

Of all the people in the media saying “the Diamondbacks have lost a lot so the Rox are still in it, it could be worse.” Well how about we focus on winning a game (not on the road, but in general), rather than how far back we are. If we have the worst record, we have no right to be talking about how the first place team is doing.

by roxintober on Jun 2, 2008 11:11 AM MDT   0 recs

The Scapegoat Shoud be

The run that was made at seasons end last year. The run the gave us this false sense of achievement and invinceability. The run that made management stand pat, thinking that all the pieces of the puzzle were in place…................not!

by roxtalk on Jun 2, 2008 11:43 AM MDT   0 recs

This might be too much of an abstraction for a scapegoat.

Besides, if we sacrifice that, we’ll be back to 1995 as the defining pinnacle of our franchise, and who wants to be defined by Lance Painter having to pinch hit because your manager’s a moron?

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 11:52 AM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Nothing against the scapegoat idea, but...

....it’s time for Dan O’Dowd to speak to Rockies Nation. Has he granted any personal interviews thru all this mess? A fundamental of crisis management is for the leader to be visible and keep the facts in perspective.. OK, not a formal press conference (that would look panicky), but maybe an in-depth talk with a Rockies friendly media person such as Dave Krieger (not Kiszla or Paige heaven forbid) assessing what the heck has happened, what chips we’ve got, and where do we go from here..

by DeepPurple on Jun 2, 2008 12:10 PM MDT   0 recs

Agreed

Also Krieger is pretty much the best columnist in Denver these days, and actually understands baseball.

The 2008 Rockies: All loses, all season

by moomacher on Jun 2, 2008 12:33 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

I think this is a good idea, too.

In the interim, though, I’m still looking for a few good goats.

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 12:35 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Absolutely...

O’Dowd’s sphinx-like demeanor just adds to the sense that no one in charge knows quite what to do.

This emperor has no clothes.

by alex colfax on Jun 2, 2008 2:07 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Ooh, goody!

I’m all for assessing irrational blame. I like this. I agree with the nomination above of Dinger. And how about adding guys like the bullpen catcher? Random people like that are always good for a scapegoat.

by holly96 on Jun 2, 2008 12:24 PM MDT   0 recs

Bullpen catcher...

Good idea. Mark Strittmatter, you now have the privilege of being in our scapegoat lottery.

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 12:33 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Clubhouse attendant?

Clearly, someone has been messing with the team’s mojo. Who else but a clubhouse guy? Or whoever does the laundry? I have no idea what these people’s actual titles are or what their names are, but I nominate them just the same.

by holly96 on Jun 2, 2008 1:07 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

We cannot blame

the guys who are out there doing their job: Cookie, Taylor. It’s difficult to blame the guys who are injured: Tulo, Matty, Hirsh. It’s even more difficult to blame the guys who aren’t being productive: Corpas, Francis, Taveras. I think that with the guys who are not pulling their share, we have to look at: is it an injury, is it in their head, or have they just lost it?

The guys who should be able to determine what is wrong should be the coaching/management: Hurdle, Apodaca, Cockrell. Even O’dowd and the Monforts take alot of this for sitting on their ass and refusing to make a trade during the offseason. So our scapegoats should be coaching and management, not the players. I say blame Hurdle & O’dowd.

Is it 2009 yet?

by The Lodo Magic Man on Jun 2, 2008 12:57 PM MDT   0 recs

Scapegoat

Ideally, yes. But the point of this particular scapegoat, as Rox Girl says, is someone who is actually blameless. If someone really is to blame (or at least shares blame), by definition they don’t qualify to be our scapegoat.

This is just a fun exercise meant to be taken lightly, to help ease the pain. No one is seriously blaming any of these scapegoat candidates.

by holly96 on Jun 2, 2008 1:01 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

The whole need no physician...

The scapegoat’s purpose will be able to help those guys that really are failing the team like Apodaca, Hurdle, Cockrell and O’Dowd by taking the heat off. So that way when Hurdle fills out a lineup with Taveras leading off and Torrealba batting sixth, he doesn’t get blamed for causing us to lose once again, but instead will feel guilty because we’re blaming Buchholz or the batboy instead, and maybe thereby Clint could learn from his mistake and get better next time. I’m just saying, blaming Hurdle and O’Dowd seems to have done nothing for this team so far this season. Time to try a different angle.

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 1:14 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

The scapegoat got traded

When the Astros tanked so bad after getting to the World Series, we had the same problem. The fading Biggio (like Helton) was too much the franchise icon to serve as scapegoat, so we floundered around looking for one for awhile. Then the Rockies traded us Jason Jennings for 3 improving young players. The team flopped worse last year, and by general agreement, Jason Jennings became the scapegoat.

It seems to me that if he’d just taken a good longterm deal in his last season with the Rockies, (a) he meltdown in Houston wouldn’t have happened, (b) he wouldn’t have had to try a “one year to re-establish my value” contract with the Rangers, which has now had the opposite effect, (c) Hirsh’s leg wouldn’t have been broken because he’s have been somewhere else, and (d) Willy T wouldn’t be striking out looking as Rockie all the time with RISP (he’d be doing that in Houston).

So I nominate J. Jennings. That would make him the first player in history to be scapegoated in consecutive years for the collapse of two “once in a lifetime”/4-game sweep World Series teams.

There is a bright side to the '08 season.
Barry Bonds & Roger Clemens are out of baseball.

by maris61 on Jun 2, 2008 12:58 PM MDT   0 recs

Well played, sir.

I wholeheartedly endorse this idea. I’m sure Mr. Jennings won’t mind, he’s got plenty of time on his hands right now to take on all of his scapegoat duties.

by CeeDub on Jun 2, 2008 3:59 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

I resemeble and resent the implication

that I should be the scapegoat. I had this name long before we sucked, went to the WS, and when we sucked before.

by PinchHitLancePainter on Jun 2, 2008 1:03 PM MDT   0 recs

Relax,

You’re safe. Like I said above in regards to Bartman, scapegoats can’t be used more than once. Our years of blaming Lance Painter ended with 2007’s run.

by Rox Girl on Jun 2, 2008 1:16 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Top prospects

Some names from the farm system could be added here. I mean, really, this entire season should be blamed on Jhoulys Chacin. If he wasn’t so good then O’Dowd would have been more aggressive during the off season. Jhoulys is such a jerk for being so good.. he really screwed things up royally..

If it were up to me.. I’d cut him now. Perhaps we can save the season yet!!

by roxhead on Jun 2, 2008 2:16 PM MDT   0 recs

Heavens, this is so obvious!

All of the blame goes to the Red Sox. If they had let the Rox win just one freaking game, all mojo, confidence, etc. would have remained in place, no one would have gotten injured from trying to hard, and Hurdle would have resumed the practice of non-management.

Besides: I don’t like ‘em.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings. ~ Earl Wilson

by rockhead on Jun 2, 2008 3:37 PM MDT   0 recs

QFT

And I especially could’ve done without ESPN getting down on it’s knees for Manny Ramirez the other day.

by oo_nrb on Jun 2, 2008 9:28 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Not enough Reproduction?

Obviously the biggest problem is the lack of reproduction from certain players that were big producers last year and did not reproduce this year. So I think the lack of reproduction should be blamed on you guessed it… Travis Henry. Hey if it works for Mike Shanahan, why not for the Rockies?

Somebody stole my Rocktober!!

by Charlie77 on Jun 2, 2008 11:19 PM MDT   0 recs

I love this one

both for the humor in the proposal and my dislike for Travis Henry

by David OhNo on Jun 3, 2008 7:14 PM MDT to parent up   0 recs

Wait....

Spilly isn’t Jewish?

I’m disappointed beyond belief.

by rosenthal on Jun 3, 2008 1:21 AM MDT   0 recs

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