FanPost

Jeff Baker Facts

I took all of the Jeff Baker jokes from the last couple days and put them in one place. Here they are:

Jeff Baker once saw a cow on the road. He punched a hole through it so he could see the other side.

 

God's ideal golf foursome is two Jeff Bakers and Tiger Woods... and Woods is only thrown is so God could get some of the money he loses to Bake back.

 

Jeff Baker doesn’t worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time.

 

The sun rises and sets when Bake tells it to.

 

Jeff Baker is what Willis was talking about.

 

In Soviet Russia,  Jeff Baker plays you.

 

Jeff Baker can sneeze with his eyes open, AND get a hit while doing so.

 

Jeff Baker went to church today... the preacher paid him 10%.

 

There is no theory of evolution, there is only what Jeff Baker allows to live.

 

The world shuts down when Jeff Baker fails.

 

Jeff Baker once caught a pop up. With someone else’s prosthetic hand.

 

Jeff Baker doesn't catch fly balls, he squeezes them into submission.

 

On the 7th day God rested...and Jeff Baker invented baseball.

 

Jeff Baker ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

 

When you say, “no one is perfect” Jeff Baker takes it as a personal insult.

 

Jeff Baker doesn’t fail. He waits.

 

Jeff Baker bowled a 300. In one frame.

 

Jeff Baker's chin is so strong...it could knock out Kimbo Slice.

 

Jeff Baker does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

 

Jeff Baker doesn't take batting practice...he takes moonshot practice. The upper deck shudders everytime Jeff Baker swings the bat.

 

Jeff Baker doesn’t say “Who’s your daddy?” because he knows the answer.

 

Jeff Baker doesn't sleep with women...he impregnates them with his smouldering eyes.

 

When Jeff Baker wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

 

Jeff Baker can play Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9. By himself. With nothing but his penis and a drum set.

 

Eric Byrnes is allowed to live because Jeff Baker doesn’t kill women.

 

Jeff Baker discovered the meaning of life. Too bad he didn’t want to share it with anyone.

 

There is no such thing as global warming. Jeff Baker was cold, so he turned the sun up.

 

Jeff Baker doesn’t use facts. If he thinks it, it becomes fact.

 

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Jeff Baker hit a ball off it and said, “Get a job.” That is the story of the universe.

 

Jeff Baker put laxative companies out of business. He scares the shit out of everyone.

 

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq...Jeff Baker plays in Colorado.

 

Jeff Baker understands Hurdle’s managerial decisions. He just doesn’t believe in sharing.

 

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Jeff Baker.

 

The dead-ball era was named after every one of Jeff Baker’s at-bats. Because he kills the ball when he hits it. He literally kills it.

 

Jeff Baker can bend the space time continuum, turning strikes into balls and giving Willy only 20’ to steal second.

 

Jeff Baker uses a night light. Not because Jeff Baker is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Jeff Baker.

 

Behind Todd Helton's beard is Jeff Baker’s fist.

 

 

 

 

Eat. Drink. Be Merry. But the above FanPost does not necessarily reflect the attitudes, opinions, or views of Purple Row's staff (unless, of course, it's written by the staff [and even then, it still might not]).

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