A brief guide to the NLDS

WHO IS GOING TO WIN: 

The Rockies

WHO IS GOING TO PLAY WELL: 

Jimmy Rollins

GUY WHO WILL BE SURPRISINGLY DISAPPOINTING:

Jayson Werth

ADVICE FROM MY MOTHER:

Wear a sweater

COME ON, THIS PREVIEW'S WORTHLESS SO FAR, TELL ME HOW MANY GAMES THE ROCKIES WILL WIN IN, MY LIFE SAVINGS IS RIDING ON THIS THING:

FOUR (BUT REALLY, GO GET SOME HELP, MAN)

I'M A &*$^ING PHILLIES FAN, WHY THE $&#* DO YOU SAY THAT JAYSON "AWESOME *^$#@ING" WERTH WILL SUCK? HE'S %^!@ING AWESOME!!!:

READ AND LEARN

THERE'S NO SWEARING ON THIS BLOG?:

Yes, and not because we don't like swearing, it's just to exclude you (and ELGee and Lawrence Davis) and tick you guys off while we do it. We just don't like you.

HOW COME THAT PHILLIES FAN USED A FIVE LETTER SWEAR IN DESCRIBING JAYSON WERTH THE FIRST TIME? I'M UNFAMILIAR WITH THAT, WHAT DID HE REALLY SAY?:

Seriously, do you really want to delve deeply into the deranged minds of Philadelphia fans? This is road that cannot end well, my friend, think about it like a David Lynch film only with more cream cheese.

IS THERE MORE AFTER THE JUMP?:

Yes

IS IT AT LEAST MILDLY MORE ENTERTAINING/INFORMATIVE THAN WHAT'S BEFORE THE JUMP, BECAUSE THIS IS PRETTY SKETCHY SO FAR AND I REALLY WANT TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH MY TIME TO CLICK THROUGH AND READ THE REST:

Ouch, good question. I can't promise you anything.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT JIMMY ROLLINS WILL PLAY BETTER THAN TROY TULOWITZKI?

I really don't, the playoffs are pretty random. The Rockies had trouble with the Phillies lineup this season, they're all talented hitters capable of doing serious damage. Basically Rockies pitchers can't play for the DP as much as they do against other opponents, every baserunner at first becomes a serious threat because of all the extra base hits the Phillies compile.

I LOOKED IT UP YOU *^%, JAYSON WERTH HIT .391/.417/.846 AGAINST THE ROCKIES THIS YEAR:

Philadelphia as a team actually hit better against the Rockies than they did against everybody save NL bottom feeders Cincinnati, San Diego, Washington and St. Louis. Oh, okay, so that last one doesn't exactly belong in that group, either.

Teams that were successful against the Phillies lineup like the Dodgers and Giants were effectively able to neutralize a good chunk of players even while one or two still did damage. The Cardinals and Rockies were just the opposite, allowing damage from throughout the lineup while shutting down only one or two players (in the Rockies case, Ryan Howard). If the Rockies are unable to limit the additional damage added on by Werth, Ibanez, Pedro Feliz after they get through the top portion of Philly's lineup, the series could be very short the other direction.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT THAT YOU THOUGHT YORVIT TORREALBA WILL BE THE SERIES MVP:

They don't even have a NLDS MVP, why would I say something like that? Besides, I, like every writer here at Purple Row, can't stand Yorvit Torrealba. Really, I just think about him and seethe. It's like I'm seeing these flashing spots in front of my eyes right now and just want to pick up a fork and start jabbing things.

WHO'S IN THE STARTING ROTATION BESIDES JIMENEZ AND COOK?

What, didn't they cover that in this morning's Rockpile? Somebody's so getting fired. For those worried about JDLR's stats against Philly this season (should he be healthy), remember that Dodgers fans were thoroughly expecting their team to rough him up on Saturday night as well.

De La Rosa's a quality pitcher, the law of averages says that eventually Philadelphia comes back to earth against him. I hope it's now. As for the Hammel/Marquis conundrum for game four, I can't really help. It's a decision that won't be as bad as either pitcher's detractors will make it sound if they're chosen, or perhaps as good as their proponents might say. Game four, should the series get that far seems to be a mystery for both teams right now.

WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKIES HITTERS AGAINST THE PHILLIES PITCHERS?

Do you want to know a dirty little secret that I'm not even sure Jim Tracy is aware of? When the Rockies get beat by left handed pitching, it's usually not because our left handed hitters go down the tubes. It's because our right handed hitters pretend that they're left handed hitters going down the tubes.

When J.A. Happ shut the Rockies out in August, they collected four hits. Two were by left handers, one by our switch hitting center fielder and the only hit by a right handed batter was a weak ground ball single by Garrett Atkins that found a hole on the right side. He was promptly erased on another weak grounder, this time for a double play, by Ryan Spilborghs. The next day, Tracy again stacked right handers against Cliff Lee, and they collected just two of the Rockies eight hits as the Rockies scored just once. In all, Rockies right handed hitters went 3 for 36 (.083) in those two games. If Tracy's going to be playing platoons like that against Lee and Hamels in these first two games, we need to see better results from it.

IS THIS IT? 

Ha! No. You're getting lots more, starting in about fifteen minutes.