Rockaholics Anonymous: Session 1 Notes

Okay, this month we learned the symptoms of being a Rockaholic and we are not alone in our Rockaholism.

The symptoms are as follows- you might be a Rockaholic if...

CATAGORY 1: You only have Rockahol on the weekends when with friends.

...you actually think Matt Holliday touched the plate.

...you look forward to seeing the new Rockies commercials every year and get all of the jokes.

...the only magazine you read is Rockies Magazine.

...you have no problem pronouncing Ubaldo Jimenez’s name.

...you know what the humidor is.

...every time you see a shortstop for another team just miss a groundball you think "Tulo would’ve had that"…………….and smile.

...you sacrifice a day at the beach or (mountain or whatever) for a Sunday day game.

CATAGORY 2: You have Rockahol everyday, but quit once the offseason rolls around. (You could survive without it.)

...you think the Rockies home opener should be a National holiday.

...you hate everything about the Dodgers and Giants but find yourself defending them if an east coast fan makes fun of the NL West.

...you get infuriated every time someone questions if Todd Helton is a Hall of Famer or if the national media makes fun of Coors Field for being a hitter’s park.

...you eagerly tell Padres fans Matt Holliday did touch homeplate and to get over it.

...your fondest childhood memory was your first Rockies game...if you could remember it.

CATAGORY 3: You are ADDICTED to the Rockies. In the offseason, you start going through withdrawl.

...the 9th inning of game four has replayed in your head at least 50 times.

...you refer to the Rockies as "we".

...when the words "cargo, cookie, Houston, too low, or Colorado Rockies", you think of the meaning relating to the team, not the literal meaning. "Rockies WHAT? Did someone just mention the Rockies?" "Oh, you meant the mountain range."

...when you hear the words Grand Slam, you immediately think of Spilly’s 14th inning shot against the Giants.

...you find yourself unconsciously tapping Rockies cheers....."tap, tap, tap-tap-tap, taptaptaptap.....TU-LO!" (then the others around look at you strangely), and automatically yell TU-LO! after nine claps.

...just hearing the names Denny Neagle and Mike Hampton put you in a bad mood.

....when a Rockie's (former or current) song plays on the radio or a movie, you get (a little) emotional.

...you know who Mr. Late night is.

...you think EY2 could outrun a cheetah.

...you still have not erased the August 24th game against the Giants from your DVR. Or Rockies all Access.

...you think a game might just go 22 innings every time it’s tied after nine.

...you defend Tulo in any argument. No matter what.

...you have a certain weakness for all things purple. "Oh, but it's purple. I have to buy it!"

...you visit Purple Row almost every day.

...you check the Rockies web site for next year’s schedule … repeatedly … until the sweet day when it it finally revealed, and then you print it, shrink it down with the photocopier, laminate it, and stick it in your wallet.

...you stop and stare out the window at Coors Field every time you pass. Even in the dead of winter. At night, you watch the moving neon art thing and try to see if the runner is safe.

…you could care less about the surprisingly strong seasons of Denver’s other pro sports franchises, because they don’t play 9 inning games. Or 22 inning games.

…you have a pennant from every year and 3 from each of the post seasons.

…homework is sometimes frequently forgotten to watch/listen/go to the game.

…you hear the word statistics and you think about ERA, BA, FIP, etc.

…you are happy the PR exists during the offseason because it would be boring without it.

....Purple Row is the first site you visit in the morning, even before reading the news (once you actually read the DP online, but now you check Rockies news first).

...you’re always a little bitter when Juan Pierre steals a base or makes a diving catch against the Rockies.

...you have trouble sleeping at night after a Rockies loss.

CATAGORY 4: You constantly think about the Rockies. You are absolutely crazy year-round. Your loved ones urge you to seek professional help.

...you can name at least 20 people Purple Row.

...you dressed up as a Rockies player for Halloween…and nobody knew who you were.

...you have a strong opinion about which Rockies catcher should start and think that if another Rockaholic points out flaws of said catcher they are personally attacking you.

...you check Purple Row (your homepage) multiple times a day hoping that there are at least 100 new comments for you to read...

...you get mad when there’s not.

...you have more than 1 Purple Row person’s contact info in your phone.

...you dream about the Rockies every night in purple, black, and white.

….you sit online the morning single-game tix go on sale as if it were the day WS tix went on sale in 2007.

…you develop an unhealthy obsession with bathrobes.

…1/100 of your 50,000(!) baseball cards are Todd Helton.

...you’ll forever hate Kerry Wood for stealing the ROY from Todd.

...you'll forever hate Jimmy Rollins forstealing the MVP from Matt Holliday.

...you'll forever hate Ryan Braun for stealing the ROY from Tulo.

...you randomly quote Jeff and Jack at times. “Spilly drives it! Deep right-centerfield....GONE!!!!" "ROCKIES WIN!"

...if you had the Rockies font, you would always type with it.

...you named your pet after a Rockies player.
...you named your KID after a Rockies player.

...you have Rockies related wallpare, screensaver, or welcome screen.

...you remember exactly where you were when the Rockies won the play in game and you consider it THE best moment of your life.

Thanks for sharing your symptoms, Rockaholics! (You have my permission to use on a T-shirt or whatever!)

Next month- The Rockaholic's Guide to Surviving the Offseason