The Offseason: Todd Helton's Christmas Tree

by Charlie77 on Dec 15, 2009 10:30 AM MST

via i304.photobucket.com (click to enlarge)

This is how I imagine Todd's holiday home, in a cabin with snow and whitetails falling outside. Christmas cards from his best friends on the tree and his favorite pictures hanging on the log wall. Todd's maglite christmas lights has him covered in case of a blackout. He probably cut down his own tree, which explains the eagle eggs in the nest. I'm sure he will release them when it's warm enough, and after he's trained them to kill for food or retrieve his Bud Light.

The only thing Todd's tree is missing are gifts.

Poll

What gifts will Todd Helton receive for 2010?

Boone and Crockett record Mule deer

7 votes

Another 40 doubles to move past Lou Gehrig, Ted Williams, and Rogers Hornsby.

35 votes

A knit sweater

4 votes

His 4th Gold Glove award

4 votes

Other (add your idea in the comments)

1 votes

51 votes | Poll has closed

Eat. Drink. Be Merry. But the above FanPost does not necessarily reflect the attitudes, opinions, or views of Purple Row's staff (unless, of course, it's written by the staff [and even then, it still might not]).

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Add your idea for Tulo's gifts this year and I will draw the best ones!

Past RockDrive comics can be seen here.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 15, 2009 10:33 AM MST reply actions

Tulo should get a gift certificate for a free haircut.

MY SHORTSTOP COULD BEAT UP YOUR SHORTSTOP!

by prettyinpurple on Dec 16, 2009 3:28 PM MST up reply actions

Suriously, he looked like Kevin from last season's Big Brother...

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 3:45 PM MST up reply actions

I have a few ideas

1) A Jimmy Rollins pinata. I’m sure Tulo wants to take a few whacks at him for stealing his gold glove(s) and helping the Phillies knock the Rockies out of the playoffs this year.

2) A new glove. I know the old one is his good luck charm and all but take a look at it. He deserves something nicer than that.

3) A 2010 calendar complete with the Rockies entire season schedule. (AKA a nice way to remind him that the season starts in April and not May or June.)

4) An iTunes gift card. With this he can browse through their wide selection of music and select a new walk up song.

I wonder if Bud Selig will give the Yankees a receipt with their World Series purchase

by RhodeIslandRoxfan on Dec 16, 2009 10:20 PM MST up reply actions

I must loudly protest against your #2

you don’t mess with a man’s glove. It contains his mojo….:)

Dear Rockies-Thank you for a wonderful rollercoaster season! Best turnaround in MLB history to become NL Wild Card Champs.

Garrett Atkins-So Long, Farewell, Auf weidersehen, Goodbye!! You were a great Rockie! GOOD LUCK!
Troy Tulowitzki-MLB's BEST shortstop..nuff said
Yorvit Torrealba- Re-sign!! he's en Fuego!!
Brad Hawpe- I hope I get to see you in a Rockies uniform again!
Dexter Fowler - prowling CF, WC in his talons, leaping Utleys in a single bound!

by SDcat09 on Dec 16, 2009 10:48 PM MST up reply actions

I must agree with Cat here

if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 11:25 PM MST up reply actions

HEY IT"S NOT LIKE HE"S A BETTER FIELDER THAN JIMMY ROLLINS WITH IT

I wonder if Bud Selig will give the Yankees a receipt with their World Series purchase

by RhodeIslandRoxfan on Dec 16, 2009 11:27 PM MST up reply actions

HISS

But seriously, if you are going to use his name, spell it properly.

THE JIMMY ROLLINS to us peasants and serfs.

ROCKEFELLER!!!

by Muzia on Dec 17, 2009 8:24 AM MST up reply actions

Agree

Have you ever seen what Walt Weiss used? I think it was the same glove from high school until he retired, and he wasn’t too bad defensively from what I remember.

JFK

by jrockies on Dec 17, 2009 3:49 PM MST up reply actions

Walt's nickname was Pig Pen..

that gives you an idea of what his glove probably looked like.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 17, 2009 10:06 PM MST up reply actions

Not to mention his shower shoes

Of course, he was in the show long enough to be called “eccentric”, and not just a slob.

Watching the purple row from high atop the big brown monolith on California Ave

by Mondogarage on Dec 24, 2009 9:30 AM MST up reply actions

The only reason that it annoys me is that the Giants tv announcers talk about it nonstop

anytime they play us.

by holly96 on Dec 17, 2009 6:02 PM MST up reply actions

Their obsession with it just endears me more.

Those announcers can be pretty funny sometime. And it seems to me, they aren’t mocking it. I think they really get a kick out of it.

Dear Rockies-Thank you for a wonderful rollercoaster season! Best turnaround in MLB history to become NL Wild Card Champs.

by SDcat09 on Dec 17, 2009 7:52 PM MST up reply actions

Yeah, they're definitely not mocking it.

I just get tired of hearing about it and seeing Tulo standing there doing nothing while they talk about it.

by holly96 on Dec 18, 2009 1:03 PM MST up reply actions

Yeah! I like his glove!

MY SHORTSTOP COULD BEAT UP YOUR SHORTSTOP!

by prettyinpurple on Dec 17, 2009 6:23 PM MST up reply actions

So a revised list

1) A Jimmy Rollins pinata. I’m sure Tulo wants to take a few whacks at him for stealing his gold glove(s) and helping the Phillies knock the Rockies out of the playoffs this year.

~~2) A new glove. I know the old one is his good luck charm and all but take a look at it. He deserves something nicer than that.~~

3) A 2010 calendar complete with the Rockies entire season schedule. (AKA a nice way to remind him that the season starts in April and not May or June.)

4) An iTunes gift card. With this he can browse through their wide selection of music and select a new walk up song.

I wonder if Bud Selig will give the Yankees a receipt with their World Series purchase

by RhodeIslandRoxfan on Dec 18, 2009 12:08 AM MST up reply actions

We could make him a Purple Row Calendar...

filled with pictures of the Men, Women and Chihuahuas of Purple Row.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 18, 2009 5:25 PM MST up reply actions

PR-"Hi Tulo, this is from all of us"

Tulo-" Um, yea, greaaat, thanks….stalk much?"

Dear Rockies-Thank you for a wonderful rollercoaster season! Best turnaround in MLB history to become NL Wild Card Champs.

by SDcat09 on Dec 18, 2009 6:29 PM MST up reply actions

PR- “I wouldn’t call it stalking. But I do like your new drapes, and your Bougainvillea need to be sprayed for aphids.”
Tulo- “Uh, yeah. I’ll keep that in mind. He what’s up with Mr. July in this calendar?”
PR- “Oh he always looks like that. His mom just had new wood panelling put up in her basement, doesn’t it look nice?”

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by Charlie77 on Dec 18, 2009 10:34 PM MST up reply actions 1 recs

OK YOU KNOW WHAT

totally not my mom’s place.

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 20, 2009 12:51 AM MST up reply actions

Uh..I totally wasn't talking about you.

/shifty eyes

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by Charlie77 on Dec 20, 2009 9:35 PM MST up reply actions

#4 is a great idea.

MY SHORTSTOP COULD BEAT UP YOUR SHORTSTOP!

by prettyinpurple on Dec 17, 2009 6:24 PM MST up reply actions

Number 4

Who wouldn’t want to “roll with” Tulo? Come on, man! And you had to expect that Helton’s music tastes would rub off on the kid just a little:D

by bleedspurple on Dec 21, 2009 9:08 AM MST up reply actions

Welcome to PR!

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by Charlie77 on Dec 21, 2009 9:46 AM MST up reply actions

I actually like country music

just not that song.

I wonder if Bud Selig will give the Yankees a receipt with their World Series purchase

by RhodeIslandRoxfan on Dec 21, 2009 3:00 PM MST up reply actions

Funny stuff there Charlie!!

You know…you might think about hooking up with Drew Litton….seriously…your stuff is great!

Dear Rockies-Thank you for a wonderful rollercoaster season! Best turnaround in MLB history to become NL Wild Card Champs.

by SDcat09 on Dec 15, 2009 10:43 AM MST reply actions

Thanks for the kind words..

I’m a big fan of Drew’s work and I’m even in his fantasy football league ( I finished in last place). I’ve been thinking about asking him to review my stuff, he does that on his website for new cartoonists, but I’m still trying to work out my style.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 15, 2009 11:25 AM MST up reply actions

Todd and I have the same favorite picture

by Muzia on Dec 15, 2009 3:03 PM MST reply actions

Peyton Manning?

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by Charlie77 on Dec 15, 2009 11:02 PM MST up reply actions

I have this strange feeling

he means the Byrnes faceplant

Waiting out the Rockies' offseason by watching the Broncos succeeding at not failing to fail once the giddy rush of success has failed.

by Silverblood on Dec 15, 2009 11:39 PM MST up reply actions

no, it's Peyton.

by Muzia on Dec 16, 2009 9:15 AM MST up reply actions

So Peyton writes fancy hearts..

on all his autographed pictures?

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 10:40 AM MST up reply actions

It's how he dots his "e"s

ROCKEFELLER!!!

by Muzia on Dec 16, 2009 3:39 PM MST up reply actions

I see what you did there

Waiting out the Rockies' offseason by watching the Broncos succeeding at not failing to fail once the giddy rush of success has failed.

by Silverblood on Dec 16, 2009 4:39 PM MST up reply actions

Thanks for explaining that..

I was totally confused until you said something. Really

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by Charlie77 on Dec 17, 2009 10:08 PM MST up reply actions

I would hope that Todd Helton's gift in 2010

is some national recognition. I realize he has played his entire career at Coors Field, but for people to think he is not a hall of famer is ridiculous.

Check out my website...www.rockiesreview.com

by Sandlotkid8 on Dec 15, 2009 5:35 PM MST reply actions

they make decent cases

but I disagree with most of them.

A big issue is that he’ll never hit 500 dingers. I don’t find that an issue, but look at the people voting on this (I mean seriously, Jim Rice?) – they don’t realize how good the guy is.

The problem is because of the hitting environment he plays in, people won’t give him any credit for the positives (superhuman plate discipline, elite 1B glove, straight up awesome hitter) and rather than make a case for why he should, make a case for why he shouldn’t (2 poor seasons due to injury/illness, bad LHP splits, CORZ, sub-premium defensive position without a lot of OMG DINGERZ), and I fear that’s going to be the stigma on Rockies hitters for the rest of time.

Hope got in my eyes

by Andrew Martin on Dec 15, 2009 7:06 PM MST up reply actions

That and the presence of a number of Steroid Era 1st basemen with similar/better numbers park neutral...

like Jeff Bagwell, for instance. Among his late 90’s early 00’s peers Helton doesn’t stand out as starkly as you would think.

Eschew Obfuscation!

by Jeff Aberle on Dec 15, 2009 7:58 PM MST up reply actions

god Bagwell was good

Hope got in my eyes

by Andrew Martin on Dec 15, 2009 8:35 PM MST up reply actions

With 2 extra seasons..

Baggs has fewer doubles, triples and only 200 more career hits than Helton. Plus Baggs struckout 675 more times than Todd!

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by Charlie77 on Dec 15, 2009 11:07 PM MST up reply actions

And produced 26 more WAR.

It’s not about who had better counting stats, it is about who provided their team with the most production and to me that’s Bagwell—by quite a bit, actually.

Eschew Obfuscation!

by Jeff Aberle on Dec 15, 2009 11:57 PM MST up reply actions

Helton still has time to catch up, obviously...

I just don’t think that he will (22 WAR gap). And like it or not, Helton was helped by Coors considerably his first few years (and even now, it still remains an excellent hitting environment).

Bagwell

Helton

Eschew Obfuscation!

by Jeff Aberle on Dec 15, 2009 11:59 PM MST up reply actions

It’s not about who had better counting stats

Hope got in my eyes

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 7:11 AM MST up reply actions

You need to seperate national recognition from SABR recognition..

because national and HOF recognition comes from counting stats like the man above believes in. Maybe Todd’s WAR numbers aren’t as great, or his road OPS isn’t as high (although Bagwells road OPS is 70 points lower as well). Because the guys that vote and give national recognition are talking heads that don’t know these other stats.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 10:43 AM MST up reply actions

the BBWAA votes, correct?

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 10:53 AM MST up reply actions

Yeah, Woody Paige is a member.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 11:25 AM MST up reply actions

I rest my case

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 11:38 AM MST up reply actions

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 3:04 PM MST up reply actions 2 recs

reccin dis

seriously though, I know counting stats count for SOMETHING, because they can display a longevity of a career. I’m just saying that the 500 HR plateau isn’t a necessary one, but I feel as if HoF voters won’t see that the same way. Especially with Helton playing at LOLCORZ how could he NOT hit 500, right? That’s the only measure of a good hitter!!!!1

Out of batters, all time, with min 3000 PA, Helton is 35th overall in batting average, at .328. Bump that up to 5000 PA, and that puts him at 29th. 6000? 26th. 7000? 23rd.

There are only 393 players with 7000 PA.

Problem is Helton’s wRC+ puts him at 52nd out of all those guys. Which is still pretty impressive.

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 3:36 PM MST up reply actions

So how many of those 51 guys are in the HOF?

Problem is Helton’s wRC+ puts him at 52nd out of all those guys. Which is still pretty impressive.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 3:47 PM MST up reply actions

I'll check, I was running late for the dentist while typing that up

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 5:35 PM MST up reply actions

Agreed...

except for one part…the splits vs. lefties. Helton has always his lefties well…

.305 batting average, his ops is lower, with his lefty ops at .863, his BABIP is exactly the same at .337. Obviously the numbers drop a little bit, but most people’s do…not to mention that Helton usually sees the toughest lefty on each team almost once a game.

Check out my website...www.rockiesreview.com

by Sandlotkid8 on Dec 15, 2009 10:50 PM MST up reply actions

Todd's career OPS puts him in the company of Gehrig and Foxx..

even his road OPS puts him in the top 15 of all time. When you compare accumulated stats Gehrig and Foxx played a lot longer than Todd. While the Iron Horse was cut down early due to disease, he still played 17 seasons and Todd has only 13 (Foxx had 20 seasons). If Todd plays another 4 years he will have over 400 HRs for his career, 3000 hits and 650 doubles (placing him in the top 10). Those are all slam dunk HOF numbers.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 15, 2009 11:02 PM MST up reply actions

Damn Charlie

You dig up some awesome historical stats.

I wonder if Bud Selig will give the Yankees a receipt with their World Series purchase

by RhodeIslandRoxfan on Dec 15, 2009 11:47 PM MST up reply actions

Thanks

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 10:44 AM MST up reply actions

CORZ

Hope got in my eyes

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 7:14 AM MST up reply actions

You can't just yell CORZ..

that’s not fair.

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 10:44 AM MST up reply actions

tell that to the other 29 baseball markets

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 10:53 AM MST up reply actions

CHAZE

did I do that right?

Saved by the buoyancy of citrus.

by Justus on Dec 16, 2009 5:12 PM MST up reply actions

whatev did you see randy johnson that cant be a hiters park duh

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 5:35 PM MST up reply actions

Curt Schilling, Brandon Webb, Dan Haren

I can’t think of many others

JFK

by jrockies on Dec 17, 2009 3:55 PM MST up reply actions

I think Todd gets as his Christmas present.....

MVP of the World Series. Let’s see them try to keep him out of the HOF after that. Oh and the WS title goes along with it.

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring. ~Rogers Hornsby

by pedalpusher on Dec 15, 2009 7:14 PM MST reply actions

god that would be badass

Hope got in my eyes

by Andrew Martin on Dec 15, 2009 7:16 PM MST up reply actions

Beyond badass.

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring. ~Rogers Hornsby

by pedalpusher on Dec 15, 2009 7:25 PM MST up reply actions

He would win the badass bracket hands down

Dear Rockies-Thank you for a wonderful rollercoaster season! Best turnaround in MLB history to become NL Wild Card Champs.

by SDcat09 on Dec 15, 2009 8:27 PM MST up reply actions

Add a World Series MVP

and everyone would definately take some notice of the Rox. Helton would be in the HOF for sure. If Helton doesn’t make it to the Hall, will any Rockie ever make it there?

Thanks for a great season of Baseball!
I'll be back next year for another ride.

by TripleT-Rox on Dec 16, 2009 10:37 AM MST up reply actions

Tyler Matzek

:: too soon? ::

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by Charlie77 on Dec 16, 2009 10:45 AM MST up reply actions

Helton will but it'll be a bullshit induction

not because I don’t think he’d earn it, but because the voting body won’t, but they’ll figure “eh, they need someone in the hall – might as well pick Todd Helton”

This offseason is completely boring.
http://www.youtube.com/user/rockiesmagicnumber

by Andrew Martin on Dec 16, 2009 10:54 AM MST up reply actions

Sooo

I’m sure he will release them when it’s warm enough, and after he’s trained them to kill for food or retrieve his Bud Light.

Helton doesn’t strike me as a light beer drinker, and if he is having light beer, dare I say it’s probably a Coors…

"These are thin mints. I put them in the freezer. My favorites. So good."
--Reds outfielder Adam Dunn, on the girl scout cookies he keeps in his locker

by Resolution on Dec 16, 2009 4:06 PM MST reply actions