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Monday Rockpile: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says, "Don't Panic! and always have a Towel."

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy may offer some sage advice for the Rockies?

via i203.photobucket.com

As we've seen over the last few things, either we shouldn't worry yet about the Rockies or the sky has fallen and all is lost. But really that's a false dilemma. The answers is in between the two. Still if everyone has a towel, everything should be right. Remember, "a towel is about the most massively useful thing [you] can have" (p. 26, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Of course, my bracketed "you" really replaces "interstellar hitchhiker," which none of us is, nor any of the Rockies. And if I start to see the Rockies step to the plate with towels as their bats, well, something is really wrong. But I can't wait for the day when we can say, "Hey, you sass that [insert Rockie player]? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is" (p. 27).

But if having a towel won't work, the Rockies could recite some Vogon poetry. Don't you want to hear Aaon Cook say, "Oh freddled gruntbuggly . . . thy micturations are to me- As plurdled gabblelotchits on a lurgid bee" (p. 65)? That'll guarantee the Rockies will win games--as long as the Rockies wear earplugs.

Of course, if you haven't figured it out by now, the real answer as to how the Rockies will get back on track is 42.

Douglas Adams was a comedic genius.

Oh, some links.

Tracy Ringolsby writes that the Rockies are trying to do too much too soon:

They need to slow down. They are in such a hurry to show everybody that they are a good team that they are falling all over themselves, from reliever Huston Street, the new guy in the Rockies clubhouse, to Todd Helton, the dean of the team.

“I think Clint (Hurdle, manager) said it best after (Sunday’s) game, we are speeding everything up, trying to make things happen instead of letting them happen,’’ said Helton.

Patrick Saunders writes that the 2009 Rockies are in a familiar place: the same one the 2008 Rockies were in at this point.

The headline for this John Klima piece at MLB.com may be a bit misleading, but Clint Hurdle believes Chris Iannetta is on the right track after yesterday's homer.

Clint Hurdle says Ubaldo Jimenez's mechanics are off, and that there are going to be some changes as a result. Also in that link, Matt Belisle is the most likely candidate to leave the 25-man roster when Franklin Morales returns tomorrow. May we never see Matt Belisle in a Rockies uniform again.

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I'll be at the game.

Look for the short dude wearing the Dbacks hat. Will be there w/ Jim, snakecharmer and several other Snakepitters.

Insert witty and/or humorous signature here.

by DbacksSkins on Apr 20, 2009 10:09 AM MDT reply actions  

Must resist...

Photoshop Hulk is bursting to post …pic….arrgghhh

It's opening day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Charlie77 on Apr 20, 2009 11:08 AM MDT up reply actions  

Is this who we should look for?

Dude, you set yourself up I can’t be held responsible for my own actions when you do that.

It's opening day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Charlie77 on Apr 20, 2009 11:13 AM MDT up reply actions  

No.

I’m raven-haired.

Insert witty and/or humorous signature here.

by DbacksSkins on Apr 20, 2009 12:31 PM MDT up reply actions  

This is quite possibly

the coolest post I have seen on SBNation. Thank you for reaffirming my faith that literacy—especially cultural literacy—has not gone extinct. Nice to see that others out there truely appreciate the classics.

Time is an illusion--lunch time doubly so.

by snowyman28 on Apr 20, 2009 10:29 AM MDT reply actions  

You know Russ

you are actually at your height..when you reach for the obscure and the even the Nerdy. History, SciFi, Star War what ever. the real funny thing…is most people here get at least some of it.

The DP article on Jimenez’s mechanics being off, made me want to respond, “No kidding…what gave the first clue”

"Suck it monkeys, the Rockies will win this year", Rox Girl 1-11-2009

by Redhawk on Apr 20, 2009 11:31 AM MDT reply actions  

Jim and I

were just talking about the ST even/odd rule at Snakepit

Insert witty and/or humorous signature here.

by DbacksSkins on Apr 20, 2009 12:32 PM MDT up reply actions  

I have never read Hitchhikers Guide..

Does it have pictures in it?

Ef you baldo try Hair-Be Dere!!

by Charlie77 on Apr 20, 2009 12:02 PM MDT reply actions  

It does

have lots of words, though.

Insert witty and/or humorous signature here.

by DbacksSkins on Apr 20, 2009 12:26 PM MDT up reply actions  

You need

to read the trilogy of five books.

"If we never try, we shall never succeed." - Abraham Lincoln

Purple Row - Covering all your Rockies needs!

by Russ Oates on Apr 20, 2009 1:39 PM MDT up reply actions  

Yes, because

you want read 40 pages of how tea and butter cookies affected the guy’s life when he was a child.

"If we never try, we shall never succeed." - Abraham Lincoln

Purple Row - Covering all your Rockies needs!

by Russ Oates on Apr 20, 2009 2:50 PM MDT up reply actions  

The guy definitely needed a slash and burn editor.

But I’m probably in the minority in saying that so did Adams.

by Rox Girl on Apr 20, 2009 3:21 PM MDT up reply actions  

Some notes this season from Fangraphs

Now, I’m assuming the data is all up to date as of this morning on Fangraphs.

1st is best unless otherwise noted

Rockies are 26th in batting average (.230)
Rockies are 25th in OBP (.316)
Rockies are 12th in SLG (.443)
Rockies are 9th in K’s (95) – 1st is the most, 30th the least, but just for this one
Rockies are 22nd in wOBA (.327)

Rockies are 4th in Isolated Slugging (Slugging – Batting Average, basically how many bags we’re getting past the single) (.213) – Translation: we’re hitting the ball hard when it actually falls for a hit.
Rockies are 8th in Isolated Discipline (OBP-AVG, how many walks/hbp per plate appearance) (.086) – we’re walking well

Rockies are 27th in LD% (17.6%) – League average is 19.7%. Translation: We’re not making good contact with the ball
Rockies are 20th in GB% (40.8%) – League Average is 41.9%. Translation: We’re keeping the ball in the air, and thereby avoiding more double plays.
In keeping with the above, Rockies are 5th in FB% (41.6%).
Rockies are 3rd in K% (26.3%) – League Average is 20.9%. Translation: Yeah we K way too much.

Interesting numbers, I must say.

THEMS ARE THE FACTS, TAKE AS YOU WILL

Follow me on Twitter! http://www.twitter.com/rockiesmagicnum - But be warned I only actually "tweet" every....well, not often.

by Andrew Martin on Apr 20, 2009 12:09 PM MDT reply actions  

Three True Outcomes

Power + Discipline + Strikeouts? Maybe they’re trying to eliminate the need for opposing defense…

by Kaneda on Apr 20, 2009 12:34 PM MDT up reply actions  

I like the cut of your jib.

Follow me on Twitter! http://www.twitter.com/rockiesmagicnum - But be warned I only actually "tweet" every....well, not often.

by Andrew Martin on Apr 20, 2009 5:36 PM MDT up reply actions  

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