I was just thinking to myself that there is definitely a lot more to being a fan than just showing up to games and yelling at players. And just like a team, a fan should set goals for him/herself. Sure, these may not be the most likely to happen, but if I hit all five this season, it would make quite the experience for myself.
Goal #1, catch a homerun: This is something I have never had a chance to do. Sure, a few balls have bounced close to me, and I've seen the exact seat I was sitting in a few weeks prior get hit, but I have never caught a single ball. In fact, the only ball I have ever obtained at a game was given to me at an Angels game by former Rockie pitcher Bret Saberhagen, who was playing for the Mets at the time. Otherwise, I've been snakebitten in the hundreds of games I've been to.
Goal #2, discuss the pro's and con's of the footlong hotdog with George Frazier: Look, I enjoy hotdogs quite a bit, and I think it would be quite the honor to discuss the hotdog with the world's leading expert. Doing this would increase my knowledge on the subject exponentially.
Goal #3, wear Tracy Ringolsby's hat: This one is pretty simple. I would like to ask if I can wear that hat. My theory is the hat has absorbed more knowledge from Tracy than can be found in The Hall of Fame and Purple Row combined. Putting on this hat, in theory, will transfer some of that knowledge to me (Some, all of it would melt my face off Indiana Jones style). Anyway, it would at least be awesome to wear a hat that is in The Hall of Fame.
Goal #4, kick Dinger in the shin: This is also pretty simple. Dinger, you have got to stop that Bush League BS, dancing behind the plate distracting the closer in the 9th inning. Look, I can tolerate you roaming around, disturbing children on the concourse, or being tipped over by Jason Hirsh while you sleep in LF. But that 9th inning junk needs to stop. It makes us look retarded. Besides, you are a PURPLE DINOSAUR!
Goal #5, ask Alanna Rizzo out on a date: Look, Alanna, I really like you. You must be tired from running through my dreams. Let me take you out to dinner. Please.
Bonus goal, have fun: I want to go to as many games as possible, eat as many hotdogs as possible, see as many homeruns and possible, watch the boys of summer as many times as possible, drink as many celebration beers at the Falling Rock as possible, get as tan as possible, enjoy the summer evenings as possible. All I truly want is baseball back in my life.