Rockaholics Anonymous: The Things That So Easily Upset Us

As Rockaholics, some things just upset or annoy us. Maybe it is because Rockahol contains some enlightening substance, and everyone else is so ignorant. Finally, a beneficial addiction! Ahh, the world would be a better place if everyone would just have more Rockahol! Meanwhile, while the world waits to be enlightened, here are some of the things that so easily upset us…


“Real men wear pink”

Uh, no, they do not, they wear purple. I mean, seriously. Purple could easily beat up pink. Not that I have anything against men wearing pink, but when people say “real men wear pink” I absolutely feel they just need to change the color to purple, that’s all.


“Baseball is boring”

Okay, I try to understand why watching the most drama filled, exciting game ever created is so boring to some. Is it the minimum162 games a year? The concept of no clock and this game may indeed go on for 6 hours?   I guess for fans of other sports, it’s the lack of violence for football fans, too much defense or not enough offense for basketball fans, and again, the lack of violence and other factors for hockey fans (though, I have to admit, watching professional hockey players get into a fight almost every game is pretty exciting). For sports haters, it’s misunderstanding. They don’t understand how exciting it can be when the tying run is at 2nd in the 9th inning, and your heart is beating unhealthily, but you still think, “Man, I love this game!” So when people say “baseball is so boring”, I wonder why, then I get appreciative that I know better.


The Tulo chant is done incorrectly

clap, clap, clapclapclap, TU-LO!

This one really annoys me: when some ignorant fans attempt to do the Tulo cheer, and leave out the last four claps. I know they mean well, but the Tulo cheer deserves to be done correctly. I went to Fan Appreciation Day in 2008, and there was a fan who was committing this sin. The first time was bearable, but the second time he started doing this I was getting really annoyed, so another fan and I tried to do it along with him, except the right way, with the extra four claps at the end. With her and me doing it the right way, and the guy doing it the wrong way, it sounded pretty strange together:


Right:   clap, clap, clapclapclap, clapclapclapclap, TU-LO! clap, clap, clapclapclap, clapclapclapclap, TU-LO!

Wrong: clap, clap, clapclapclap, TU-LO! clap, clap, clapclapclap, TU-LO!


You get the picture. Now worse even is the radio commercial that Tulo is in himself, where the other person thinks that the cheer should be changed from “clap, clap, clapclapclap, TU-LO!” to something about Credit Union of Denver or something. I know it probably had to do with airtime, but it still annoyed me.


Jimenez’s name is mispronounced

Him-EN-ez. That’s the correct way to pronounce Ubaldo Jimenez’s name. Not Him-in-EHZ, and especially not Gym-in-EHZ.  Some relatives of mine pronounce it this way even though they know the real way to pronounce it “because it’s more fun that way”, and it corrupts me and gets stuck in my head which is really annoying.


“Oh, he’s on steroids”

This is just dumb. This, and saying that Coors Field is just soooo easy to hit in and our hitters have it easy, or their numbers are inflated. Ever heard of the humidor? Uggh. Back to the steroids thing, I get mad, then kind of sad. Sad that these people actually think that some certain player is on steroids, and sad that steroids makes us all ask questions about players who probably don’t even take them. And of course, sad that, in actuality, it’s possible. But really, people, stop pointing fingers and falsely accusing players of doing steroids when you don’t know that they are and everyone else believes they don’t.


Unfaithful, fair-weather, die-easy fans

“Waaaaaah! The GM just traded my favorite player! I’m done with this team!”

“I can’t believe my team didn’t make the playoffs this year! What is wrong with this world? This is so hard!”

“After another mediocre/postseasonless season, I am done. I am leaving and giving my loyalties to another team… (blah, blah, blah)”, etc.

This sickens me the most: little weakling so-called fans who don’t seem to understand the concept of loyalty. It’s understandable when fans don’t agree with management and call for someone’s firing, or they don’t like the way a player or the team has performed, but real fans never leave at the first sign of losing. What also is pretty bad is those spoiled rotten fans whose team makes the postseason every year, then the team misses and they think that it’s the worst thing in the world (sound familiar, Yankees fans?). Sorry if I’m stepping on someone’s toes, but can you really call yourself a die-hard fan if there’s hardly any dying involved? Loyalty and durability are characteristics of a true fan.



“They never have done anything for you”

Another classic case of misunderstanding by non-Rockaholics. Maybe they have never directly done anything for me, if giving me pleasure six months out of the year doesn’t count. Then, giving me some pretty special memories with my family and friends and by myself alone by the radio probably doesn’t count either, but I don’t care. I don’t care if I’ve done so much for them and they’ve never really done anything for me. All those memories are enough. Something to look forward to every day in the summer and count down to in the winter is enough. A nice juicy footlong with deli mustard at Coors Field is enough. Those days in Spring Training when you’re listening to the fake game, drinking a glass of lemonade, pretending like it’s a real game in summer is enough. Hearing a homerun on the radio is enough, watching a double play being turned is enough. And one day, watching them win the World Series will be more than enough. So, they have done something for me, and every second I devote to the Rockies is absolutely worth it.



Next month: Speak Rockaholic?

Eat. Drink. Be Merry. But the above FanPost does not necessarily reflect the attitudes, opinions, or views of Purple Row's staff (unless, of course, it's written by the staff [and even then, it still might not]).

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