At CBP, fans in the outfield bleachers have become bored with spitting, swearing, and throwing beer bottles at the the backsides of their opponents’ outfielders. They have asked for a better view of the game to hold their interest. At first, CBP officials considered giving all fans a geniune replica of the binoculars used daily by the Phillies’ bullpen coach, but attempts to obain the original for reproduction were met with steely blank stares.

However, the ingenious CBP architectural team decided that now would be the right time to unveil their stadium’s “Easter Egg.” According to lead architect F. N. Attic, he was surpised no one had yet discovered the easter egg on their own.

“I put the button right next to the terlit in Men’s Restroom #1 on the main concourse,” he reported. “Everybody finds easter eggs eventually… or so I thought.”

In a ceremony planned for the bottom of the first inning against the Rockies this Friday, right after Roy Halladay strikes out the side on nine pitches, John Kruk will break the seal on the restroom and activate the easter egg.

The Examiner has obtained information from unnamed sources that the easter egg will delight their fans in a manner yet unseen in the annals of baseball history. The sources indicate that this feature will provide outfield ticker-holders with the best view of home plate ever provided from beyond the wall.

Not unlike Mile High Stadium, where Kruk in one inning ran a greater distance around the bases than he has since he had ever before or since, the outfield bleachers can be rolled in and out. To afford bleacher fans a better view of their heroes while at bat, the outfield stands will be rolled to Little League distances during the bottom of each inning in order to give bleacher-dwellers a better view of their players in action. When the Phillies are in the field, the stands will be rolled back out to greater distances so that fans can enjoy an expansive view of the ballpark during the brief times that their opponents are at bat.

“People have accused CBP of being a bandox,” Mr. Attic complained. "In fact, it’s more like a jack-in-the-box that has been stuck in a half-open position.

“NOW people will see that CBP can really play like a normal ballpark… while the Rockies are at bat, anyway. Heh, heh.”

The Phillies are pleased to offer this new benefit to their fans. Questions about how game play may be affected are irrelevant, and the Phillies are offended that you would even ask any such question.