Rockies Sign Free Agent Ty Wigginton

by Andrew Martin on Oct 30, 2011 10:48 AM MDT in Jokes That Aren't Funny

Free Agency has begun, and as of 12:01 AM ET, players with the requisite amount of service time were eligible to file for free agency.

The Rockies were aware of this, and immediately got the hot stove blazing with what they consider to be a strong signing.

In an effort to expand their positional versatility and provide further opportunities for manager Jim Tracy to tweak his lineups on a daily basis, the Rockies announced that they have signed Ty Wigginton to another 2-year, $8M contract.

"Ty really showed himself to be a gamer this past season. Having him taking consecutive ABs in the late innings will really put this club over the top. I can't imagine this club in 2012 without 2 Ty's on the roster. He meant so much to the organization and to me personally, well.... hell, I'd invite Ty to midwife my next child. There's room in our closet for you, big guy." -- recent groundbreaking acquisition Jason Giambi.

Wigginton, 34, impressed the Rockies' brass with his ability to play multiple positions, hold his glove on the correct hand, and bat from the right side of the plate. In fact, he impressed GM Dan O'Dowd so much during the 2011 season that the Rockies opted to sign Wigginton again - not to an extension, but actually to an entirely new contract. Wigginton will take up 2 spots on the 25-man and 40-man rosters, and will be eligible to start in 2 lineup slots during any given game, exercising the new "Ghost Runner" rule that MLB quietly instituted for managers such as Tracy and Tony LaRussa.

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I'm seeing quadruple.

Eight Wiggintons!

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"The highest form of human excellence is to question oneself and others." - Socrates
~WolfMarauder

by Greg Stanwood on Oct 30, 2011 10:52 AM MDT reply actions

Eight! Eight Viggintons!

Ah ah ahhh!

by Shoemaker on Oct 30, 2011 11:02 AM MDT via mobile up reply actions

Projected 2012 Colorado Rockies Opening Day Lineup:

LF Wigginton
2B Wigginton
CF Gonzalez
SS Tulowitzki
1B Helton
RF Wigginton
3B Wigginton
C Wigginton
SP Pavano

Championship, baby!

by Shoemaker on Oct 30, 2011 11:01 AM MDT via mobile reply actions 5 recs

hahahahahaha

@CentralCaliRox

by CentralCaliRox on Oct 30, 2011 12:35 PM MDT up reply actions

it's amazing no one has discovered this before

the only organization of humans responsible for more evil in the universe than the philadelphia phillies is the boston red sox

be happy, because 2012 is coming.

by papality on Oct 30, 2011 1:34 PM MDT up reply actions

Given Wigginton's penchant for driving in only himself...

If the bases were loaded with Wiggys, would Wiggy hit a grand salami, or strike out on a slider that’s a foot off the plate? I am perplexed…

by Northsider1964 on Oct 30, 2011 6:09 PM MDT up reply actions

He would hit an inside-the-park grand slam on a strikeout

He’d swing and miss on a slider so far off the plate that the catcher would miss it too. Then the catcher would pick up the ball and try to throw out Wigginton at the base, but would become confused as to which Wiggy and which base and would stand there holding the ball in a daze as the rest of his team pointed in random directions and all 4 Wiggies scored.

"The game of baseball is made up of many little things. If we do all the little things right, then we'll never have a big thing to worry about" -- Cal Ripken, Sr.
Yankee Haters Encouragement Group Member #3

by RoarFrom112 on Oct 31, 2011 12:53 AM MDT up reply actions 2 recs

...and we'd still lose.

the only organization of humans responsible for more evil in the universe than the philadelphia phillies is the boston red sox

be happy, because 2012 is coming.

by papality on Oct 31, 2011 12:40 PM MDT up reply actions 1 recs

JFK's Quote of the Day:

“If you rush in and out of the clubhouse, you rush in and out of baseball.” Source: Widely Attributed ~Pee Wee Reese

"There have been only two geniuses in the world. Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare." ~Tallulah Bankhead
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." ~Greg, age 8
JFK

by jrockies on Oct 30, 2011 11:38 AM MDT reply actions

JFK's Quote of the Day:

"If you Wigg in and out of the Wigghouse, you Wigg in and out of Wiggball." Source: Wiggy Attributed ~Pee Wigginton Reese

"These are thin mints. I put them in the freezer. My favorites. So good."
--Reds outfielder Adam Dunn, on the girl scout cookies he keeps in his locker

by Resolution on Oct 30, 2011 2:06 PM MDT up reply actions

Wigginto would be a lot better if...

he were Hank Aaron.

Colorado College Hockey, Colorado Avalanche, Colorado Rockies fan to the death.
"We should be dreaming. We grew up as kids having dreams, but now we're too sophisticated as adults, as a nation. We stopped dreaming. We should always have dreams." -Herb Brooks

by Lost Winter on Oct 30, 2011 11:59 AM MDT reply actions

Giambi ,Wiggington......hell-o 2012 mediocrity.

In all things, it is better to hope than despair.

by butterfly on Oct 30, 2011 12:06 PM MDT reply actions

If you were trying to give me a Halloween scare

then mission accomplished.

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

by jcd823 on Oct 30, 2011 12:35 PM MDT reply actions

all the faces are looking in different directions

the only organization of humans responsible for more evil in the universe than the philadelphia phillies is the boston red sox

be happy, because 2012 is coming.

by papality on Oct 30, 2011 1:35 PM MDT reply actions

I swear one of the heads was

doing a Linda Blair in “The Exorcist”

Jason Hammel : Feared Slugger was /2011'd
BigGiantHead of the Ubaldo Lover's Club;OG Thugget Loyalist #4, QPU Emeritus, Proud member PR Gynocracy

by SDcat09 on Oct 30, 2011 1:40 PM MDT up reply actions

MY EYES!!! MY EYESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jason Hammel : Feared Slugger was /2011'd
BigGiantHead of the Ubaldo Lover's Club;OG Thugget Loyalist #4, QPU Emeritus, Proud member PR Gynocracy

by SDcat09 on Oct 30, 2011 1:39 PM MDT reply actions

I rec'd this just because its enough to scare the crap out of people.

Let’s hope we can get rid of him. Can we pay someone to take him off our hands?

Thank you Cookie for many years of service. Hope all goes well with you in your continued career.
Self taught and falling in love with this game is very easy to do, you can never hate it, and that is something that not one person can take away from anybody. The love of baseball and OUR COLORADO ROCKIES.

by Roxman4ever on Oct 30, 2011 2:10 PM MDT reply actions