FanPost

Lakers 102, Jazz 84

USA TODAY Sports

Editor's Note: The following post is a part of the 2013 Purple Row Writer Search -- our quest to find some great new contributors to Purple Row.


The Los Angeles Lakers had no problem dispatching the Utah Jazz tonight at the Staples center, winning 102-84. I guess I could write about the Lakers's unselfish play, strong 3 point shooting, and solid defense, but that would make me feel lousy. Instead, I'll write about what song each Lakers starter reminds me of.

Kobe Bryant

Ah Kobe. It feels like you've been around forever. You're that guy who always looks super serious, even (perhaps especially) when everyone else is just trying to have fun. You, more than any other player, make basketball look like a joyless, grim affair. The song you remind me of is "G-code" by the Geto Boys. It's a song that seems not to recognize its ridiculousness, that believes it's a deep, culturally relevant statement. Reasonable people lampoon it for it's own sense of self-seriousness. Despite the hate, though, it's a fantastic song whose incredible beat and lyrics deserve grudging respect, much like Kobe's consistent excellence.

Dwight Howard

Dwight's malcontent in Orlando may make him seem like a grouch, but to be honest, I barely followed it. Instead, the impression I get from Dwight Howard is that he's a big, lumbering goofball. Like the opposite of Kobe, he always looks like he's having a blast on the court. The song he reminds me of is "What's Golden" by Jurassic 5. It's an infectious celebration, and the chorus just feels like an alley-oop slam dunk.

Steve Nash

Nash is a businessman on the court, dealing out dishes or dropping threes with machine-like efficiency. He makes me think of the Eagles song "Peaceful Easy Feeling". It's a song that never does anything flashy, but it's comfortable and unambitious. It accomplishes what it sets out to do. It never misses free throws.

Metta World Peach

Andrew WK, "Party Hard". This was many years ago, but I still remember Metta World Peace (nee Ron Artest) hurtling into the stands to assault a fan who threw a beer cup in his vicinity. Mr. World Peace may be volatile and somewhat frightening, but I always get the feeling that he just wants to party. So do we all. So do we all.

Earl Clark

I know basically nothing about Earl Clark. He scored 7 points tonight. Because I have no opinion about this player, I'll just say he seems like the song "Whirring" by The Joy Formidable. Check out the song. It's awesome.

Eat. Drink. Be Merry. But the above FanPost does not necessarily reflect the attitudes, opinions, or views of Purple Row's staff (unless, of course, it's written by the staff [and even then, it still might not]).

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