Purple Hazed Ideas No. 13: Base Jam

Jed Jacobsohn

A baseball version of one of the greatest films ever produced by American cinema.

The scene begins with a pan-down camera showing the dwindling twilight sunset and as the light poles and familiar sights of a random, broken down, sandlot baseball diamond comes into view "I believe I can fly" fades in. The camera settles on an eight-year-old Ken Griffey Jr. throwing himself batting practice and lining baseballs that lay in the outfield like felled victims.

Griffey Sr. makes his way out to the plate, "What are you doing, son? Aren't you tired yet? You're losing your light. Let's go home."

"But Dad," responds Griffey Jr. "Just a few more? Will you pitch?"

"Sure, I'll throw until you miss, okay?"

The elder ballplayer takes a bucket of balls and makes his way to the mound. In between pitches:

"Dad, you think if I practice hard enough I get good enough to be in the MLB just like you?"

"Well sure, if you work hard." (Crack of the bat).

"I think I will! One day we will even be on the same team! And hit back-to-back homers! I'll have one of the best swings in the history of baseball!" (Crack of the bat).

(Laughing) "Oh yeah, and after all that, I suppose you're gonna fly too?"

Griffey Jr. smiles and the music slows to a dramatic pace and in slow motion we see him rip a baseball over the center field fence. Quick cut to b-roll of Griffey chasing down a fly ball with a similar trajectory and making an incredible, leaping catch at the wall as the start of a Ken Griffey Jr, highlight reel synced up perfectly with a 2014 remix of the classic Space Jam song, now dubbed "Base Jam."

Welcome to the Base Jam. Alright.

Instead of finding Ken Griffey Jr. toying with the idea of playing another sport, we find him now retired, wondering what could have been in his career. He knows he accomplished a great deal but he still wonders aloud what "could have been." After retiring from the game he loves, he wonders if he can ever feel that same spark.

Cut to some random bad guy planet, hell make it the same one and keep Danny Devito as head honcho. They have decided a new tactic is in order if they want to defeat and enslave the Looney Toons. And it will require planning. This time, instead of being tricked into a basketball game, they know what is "in the rule book" and so prepare for a sport they believe they can win.

We see aliens in front of computers with Fangraphs and Baseball Reference open doing research on who they can body-snatch this time. They arrive on Earth and threaten Bugs, Daffy and the gang, making the pact to decide things over a baseball game.

Next thing you know we are at baseball stadiums throughout the country as Mike Trout, Miguel Cabrera, Clayton Kershaw, Troy Tulowitzki, Andrew McCutchen, Robinson Cano, Yadier Molina and others have their talent stolen and stored inside a baseball.

They arrive at the cartoon baseball field, release the talent from the ball and show off their new skills prompting Bugs Bunny to seek out help.

Ken Griffey Jr. is golfing with Cal Ripken Jr. and Frank Thomas (and of course Bill Murray) when he gets sucked down the hole to Looney Toon land and hijinx(and some good old fashioned lesson learning) ensue.

Who wouldn't watch that?

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