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Time to open the old Mailbag.

What's this? A letter from Bud?

Wow, I haven't heard from him in a while, I wonder how he's doing. Oh look at this he wants to be called Allan now, that's too funny. Oooh, appearing before Congress, wow, that's impressive. Mr Bigshot Allan's moving up in the world.

Ha! Will you look at that, he's still having trouble with those pesky MLBPA's. I told him that would happen. Tsk, Tsk. He never listened.

Hmm, yep, amphetamines, steroids, yep, act quickly... hmmm, it almost sounds as if he's in some sort of trouble there. Oh dear. Well, knowing Bud -I mean Allan, he'll pull through, he always does with those owner friends of his, silly boys, but maybe I should write back:

Dear Bud,

So nice to hear from you! How's Sue and Wendy and the grandkids? It's been way too long, really. Anyway, things are going fine here, we're finally out of the winter and the trees are blooming and it's really quite beautiful out right now. I know what you mean about the amphetamines though, we have them in our roses and I can tell you it's an absolute bugger trying to get them out. It's funny though how I never thought to worry about it when I was winning at the county fair with them for all those years though. Of course, now everybody says, "Brandi's roses are juiced," or "Brandi's zucchini is on the 'roids" and I just can't stand it. It's awful. Had I known my prize zucchini, Morty, was doing steroids you better believe I would have stepped in there and called a stop to it, blue ribbon or no. Well, I just wish I could have nipped this away quietly, but now there's a big scandal and it's all we've got to do to just keep the neighbors from yappin LAZL this (Lake Area Zucchini Labs, I guess that's where Morty got the goods from, from that gentleman on the right) and LAZL that,

Morty with his dealer

and now the fair board is talking about all these new rules they want to put in place and I'm saying whoah, take it easy there, Trigger I think we ought to leave the regulating to the gardeners who know what's going on in the garden - well except for the whole zucchini 'roids thing and the amped roses thing which I swear I knew nothing about - but you know what I mean.

Anyway, hang in there, Allan, we're rooting for you here, go show those Congressmen who's boss. Give our best to Sue and the kids,

Sincerely, Brandi

P.S. Remember Joe from down the street? Well he swears that the way to get rid of amphetamines is to sprinkle cinammon around the infected areas. I don't know if I believe him but you might want to have your owner friends try it around a couple of clubhouses anyway, can't be too careful when it comes to those.