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How to Follow the Rockies season as if it really mattered

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I don't know if these will work for all of you, but they seem to help me:

  1. Pretend the relief corps is the latest reality television offering from Mark Burnett. Wonder why Mark Burnett has lost his editing touch.
  2. Walk a batter, take a cough drop.
  3. Wake up in the hospital detox unit not remembering number two. When asked why you had so many cough drops in your system, remember number two, but hopefully still forgetting the final score.
  4. When you remember the final score, write a blog entry.
  5. Read other Rockies' bloggers hoping to find one more pathetic than you.
  6. Having failed, read Devils Rays' bloggers to find one more pathetic than you.
  7. Having succeeded but deciding that doesn't really make you feel any better, write another blog entry -with pictures this time. At least your blog will look pretty even if the season doesn't.
  8. Retail therapy
  9. Check your email to see if Dan O'Dowd has contacted you yet to spread trade rumors. No. Oh well, maybe post a diary or get a pedicure, or give yourself a pedicure while posting a diary.
  10. Streaming audio of Tourists baseball. Or Nuts baseball. Or Drillers baseball. Or Sky Sox baseball. Somewhere there has to be a winning team in the system.
  11. Start spending Preston Wilson's contract money on free agents to be. Or try predicting who the number one pick in 2006 will be. Kyle Drabek, welcome to Casper.
  12. Click your ruby slippers' heels together and repeat the following: Ian Stewart is only a year away, Ian Stewart is only a year away, Ian Stewart is only a year away. Remind yourself to go to Zappo's because you really need a better pair of ruby slippers, though post one more time on the blog, because you love Rockies baseball.