By offering to take on Juan Pierre for the next five years and giving him an eye-popping amount of money, the Dodgers have really stepped up for Rockies fans. Not only can we now root on one of our beloved and gritty former players a dozen more times a year or so, we can do it with the comfort of knowing that he isn't on our team. It's just like Vinny Castilla or EY with the Padres last season, or Jamey Wright with the Giants. Thank you for this early Christmas gift, LA, now the rest of the NL West needs to catch up and show us the same kindness, I say, and I have some suggestions:
What? You are worried that might not be quite enough? Okay. Well, I wasn't going to let you in on this, but since you are so insistent, I have the deal for you. Right now, for a limited time only, we will be willing to give you a future former Rockie in Josh Fogg for the small price of Justin Upton and Micah Owings. Think about it. You already have one stud center fielder, why on earth would you need two? And think of the joy of headline writers: Fogg in the Desert, and such. You can't get that kind of material with a name like Owings.
P.S. I think it would also help your bullpen if you nabbed Ray King, but that's just me.
- Need to replace Jason Schmidt? Answer: sign Shawn Chacon. He was a Yankee once, you know. Very valuable that.
- Need to replace Barry Bonds? Ooh, tricky. But since you love aging outfielders with big bats so much, I've got a solution there, too, that you'll love since it's a familiar face not only to us, but to you. Ellis Burks. What? Who cares if he's out of baseball. Bring him back. You can do it. I know you can.
- What about right field? Now that Moises Alou's a Met, I know you have problems there too, so let me suggest a guy from the other side of the Bay: Jay Payton. Brilliant, I know, you can thank me later. But wait, there's more.
- Your infield has a couple of holes too, let me be the first tell you that you already have the solution at first right under your noses in Mark Sweeney. He's just brimming with former Rockie goodness, and do you honestly think in your hearts that he's worse than Pedro Feliz? Honestly?
- Finally, for second base, another surprise reunion for both of us: He's daffy, He's scrappy, He's Neifi! I know it might seem difficult to sway the Tigers to part with his veteran goodness, but all it will take is a spare arm you have floating around in droves over there, like Jonathan Sanchez let's say. Easy as pie! Ooh, and you know what would be a perfect topping: To replace Sanchez, re-sign Jamey Wright! Bonus!
There you have it GM friends! No need to thank me, it was my pleasure.