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Rockies Review: In other news, the season has not started yet

Holla gang,

In news that will undoubtedly constitute a severe and irrecoverable shock to the tender sensibilities of this esteemed company, the period of time known as the 2009 Baseball Regular Season™ has not yet inaugurated operations, leaving us to take Rogers Hornsby’s advice and stare dolefully out our windows in the anticipation of spring. (That was one sentence and 54 words, for those of you keeping score at home). In short, we still have plenty of time to waste before spring training begins (according to the countdown clock on as of the time of this writing, 13 days, 2 hours, and 3 minutes until pitchers and catchers report) and therefore, our main pastime at this point is anticipating the usual "best-shape-of-my-life," "yes-we-feel-pretty-confident," "Yes-we-miss-Holliday-but-want-to-play" and "I’m-developing-a-cutter" stories which are soon to result. Also, since this feature is intended as a weekly recap of games, transactions, milestones, birthdays, orgy scandals, and whatnot, it doesn’t make much sense for me to get it up and running before the regular season, which is when you might actually have an interest in what is contained therein.

So, the enterprising Rowbot might ask, what is this doing here now? Pretty simple. I wanted to establish my bona fides as just your average lovable front-pager around town, introduce this feature, and get your feedback on what you’d like to see included once this Review starts showing up on a weekly basis. (My enthusiasm for recapping will wax and wane depending on the local nine’s current fortunes, but I’ll suffer it nonetheless, so you don’t have to). I’m not particularly interested in rehashing links from the week’s Rockpiles, since you’re supposed to have already read them (cough cough) and also since overexposure to the unmitigated cesspool of idiocy known as the comments on Denver Post articles can cause halitosis, migraines, drooling, and uncontrolled hyena laughter, followed by the banging of one’s head repeatedly against a wall.

So, aside from the banal (scores, best/worst performances, a preview of the week and matchups to come, and sarcastic or serious analysis, depending which side of my brain has the controls) what would you guys like to see checked in with every Sunday? Me being the demented lunatic  special person I am, both ordinary and off-beat requests will be considered.

In the meantime, I understand that there’s some kind of football game going on today. That team versus that other team. Yeah. Rays/Phillies and Steelers/Cardinals... there’s somehow an underwhelming nature to the championship matchups this sports cycle. Anyway, I'm not watching it. I have several really excellent reasons: I don't have a TV, I don't give a crap about the teams involved, and it starts at midnight. I really hope the Rockies don't have too many West Coast night games, that's going to hurt.

My gut tells me that the Cardinals will reprise the role of the Rays, playing the feisty but ultimately doomed stooges who will find their Cinderella story unceremoniously brought to an end at the hands of a superior unit. (Gee, now who does that remind me of? Certainly no team I’ve heard of). But you never know. I’ve heard Larry Fitzgerald is good at catching things.*


*I reserve the Orwellian right to retroactively edit out this and every other prediction I ever make, so you will never be able to prove I said anything. ANYTHING.

Happy Birthday:

Jeff Francis, 28 (January 8)
Ubaldo Jimenez, 25 (January 22)
Alan Embree, 39 (January 23)
Franklin Morales, 23 (January 24)
Shane Lindsay, 24 (January 25)
Aaron Cook, 30 (February 8)

(Moral of the story: If you would like to be a pitcher for the Rockies, please check to ensure that you were born in January).

Anyway. Suggestions go in the box. Everything considered.