My story is a coming-of-age story, and I'm still in the midst of it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that to me, being a Rockies fan means never giving up and stuff. Because right now I'm not sure about what being a Rockies fan means. Right now, I'm not sure of a lot of things--senior year of college is filled with more questions and uncertainty than any point of my life thus far.
I do know, however, what being a Rockies fan did mean to me. How it changed me so much during high school. Why it started. Why it escalated, became such a big part of who I was, and changed me into part of the person I am today. Why it waned.
But back to where it all started...
I'll be completely honest: thirteen-year-old me needed something to talk about with the baseball fan I had a crush on. I needed a team, so of course I chose the Rockies--the home team. And my favorite color was purple. So I started reading the newspaper. It was April 2007. I read, I learned. In September, I attended my first game since 10-month-old me was brought to Coors in April 1995. I remember looking at the calendar in early September knowing there was a chance to get to the playoffs and thinking the Rockies could do it. They did.
And then I began to fall in love with baseball.
In 2008, I became obsessed with baseball. I snuck a radio into my bed so I could listen to the games when I was supposed to be sleeping. I listened to every game and attended on the order of 10 games at Coors Field that year. I loved everything about the game: the sounds, the smells, the beauty of perfectly-executed double plays. I was in love, I was loyal, and baseball fed the optimist in me. 2009 seemed like a reward to me, as I now could appreciate the playoffs more since I knew baseball now.
Why was I a Rockies fan? Because I couldn't imagine not being one. It became my world.
I was the kid who planned out her laundry so that I could wear purple for a straight week. I was the kid with the sign at Opening Day exclaiming, "This is ouR Year!" I was that kid who wrote to her favorite players in the newspaper asking them questions. I was that kid who stayed till the end of a game not only because of it being a law of baseball but also because I really had the optimism that our Rockies could rally. I was that kid who believed that one year would indeed be our year to win it all, and that it would be soon.
Something happened though.
I don't know exactly when, as it was over an extended period of time. When I went off to college, I slowly began falling in love with sedimentary rocks and the layers of the mountain range Colorado Rockies: I was a geo-nerd in the making. I also became more cynical and less optimistic about the Rockies. I stopped listening to every single game because I got busy. I stopped memorizing the schedule and my favorite players' statistics. It was 2011.
I'm now a college senior but I still have the "College Bucket List" that I made freshman year taped on the back of my door. One of the items is "Watch the Rockies win the World Series." The last four years could not have been farther than the playoffs.
After the 2013 season, I unofficially decided to take a take a break from the Rockies. I would see the score on twitter but wouldn't care. I only paid to attend one game all season, which was Opening Day, and only went to one other game. I don't know, being a Rockies fan just got exhausting. I didn't care that much anymore. I was busy and had other things to worry about. The Rockies just didn't occupy every waking thought or any of my dreams anymore, just like that...but slowly.
It's not like the last four years have been without baseball and Rockies memories. I've had a lot of fun hopping on the lightrail to go to the Rockpile with college friends, being that kid who skips class on Opening Day, having super baseball filled Saturdays by watching the Mines games and listening to the Rockies at the same time, getting to meet my favorite player...
I don't know how much of a fan I'll be in the future. Of course, I'll never root for any other MLB team besides the Rockies. I'll probably go to more games next season now that I've had a good break and listen to games again. But again, the future is so uncertain. I'm growing up, and I don't even know what state or country I'll be living in a year from now or if I'll even be able to catch games at Coors Field. More importantly, I don't know the state of the Rockies and if they're going to do anything about not being a black hole of despair anymore.
So that's the long-winded version of my story that could be even more long-winded because of all the memories we've made together. I guess I'm a Rockies fan now because it's who I am...unexcitedly, right now. But there's a Tulo jersey hanging in my closet and that Rocktober poster hanging on my wall, so yep, I'm still a Rockies fan I guess.
I just really wish the Rockies would give me a reason to be in love again.