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Rockies lose to Phillies 9-0, and hey, Commando is on

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The Rockies got absolutely destroyed today, in humiliating fashion. But at least Arnold Schwarzenegger's best 80's movie is on

Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

The Colorado Rockies got shut out for the second day in a row as the Philadelphia Phillies hung nine runs on the Rockies. It's the worst loss the Rockies have experienced since Opening Day in Miami, but on the bright side, Commando is on.

Jhoulys Chacin was the victim of some bad luck, getting victimized by wild pitches and infield singles through his five innings of baseball. In the fourth inning a wild pitch moved Chase Utley to second base, after which he would score on a Ryan Howard single. In the fifth Chacin almost got out of a first and third situation, but a Ben Revere infield single to second scored the run. This whole scenario was less interesting than the part when Arnold's character John Matrix jumped off a plane into a swamp in order to save his daughter from evil kidnappers.

The Rockies had many opportunities to put runs on the board in the early innings, but the big hit continues to elude them. The Rockies were 0 for 8 with runners in scoring position, sabotaging yet another road game. Both Wilin Rosario and Josh Rutledge left a host of runners on base. Remember when I said I'd get a clutch base hit? I lied.

Ryan Howard hit a mammoth home run in the fifth inning, chasing Chacin out of the game. That made the score 4-0, and that would have been plenty. However, Nick Masset and Rex Brothers were unable to keep the Phillies from scoring either. The Rockies were like the hapless mercenaries in the employ of the evil kidnappers, and the Phillies were like John Matrix using machine guns, grenades, rocket launchers, and gardening implements to defeat his adversaries.

The Rockies were borderline unwatchable today. However, Commando is extremely watchable, including many of the best stars of 80s action movies. This game was a turd. In my opinion, all Rockies fans should forget this one even happened. Maybe let off some steam.

<iframe src="http://www.fangraphs.com/graphframe.aspx?config=0&static=0&type=livewins&num=0&h=450&w=450&date=2014-05-26&team=Phillies&dh=0" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" height="450" width = "450" style="border:1px solid black;"></iframe><br /><span style="font-size:9pt;">Source: <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/livewins.aspx?date=2014-05-26&team=Phillies&dh=0&season=2014">FanGraphs</a></span>