This is going to sound absurd and crazy -- because it is -- but the Colorado Rockies should trade Carlos Gonzalez ... for Troy Tulowitzki.
The Toronto Blue Jays run the risk of getting old and after losing David Price to Boston this offseason, and an injection of youth and flexibility is in order, especially in the form of an outfielder who is known for his explosiveness.
Adding CarGo replaces whatever offense the Jays would lose with Tulo and give them short-term commitments, allowing a quicker rebuild when guys like Russell Martin and Jose Bautista fade, but they maintain enough firepower to give it a run the next few years. Flipping Tulo for CarGo would also allow the Blue Jays to place a left handed power hitter in the middle of the heavily right handed lineup.
The Rockies get back one of the few players in their history with above average on-base abilities and someone who can actually hit left-handed pitching. Tulo does a bunch of other things, too; he knows how to drive to Coors Field from his home, and hey — he could even take his home off the market now, too. If you bring him back to Denver, you won't need to worry about your new player getting lost on the way to the stadium! Right, Pasucal Perez?
The Rockies currently have Jose Reyes at shortstop, the veteran slated to start the season with the team in some capacity. Who the hell would trade for this guy with his contract, age, and ability, not to mention his off-the-field problems? Hopefully the Rockies didn't give up anything of value when they traded for Reyes in the first place.
Rockies' fans collective hearts are still crying oceans of emptiness and despair since the best player who ever lived was traded by the ruthless and unforgiving Sith Lord, Jeff Bridich.
Personally, I have yet to sleep a full night since. Completely unable to form coherent thoughts about the Rockies, I stumble through a wasteland of Twitter arguments about Eddie Butler and tactical positioning over which unsubstantiated-rumor-that-will-never-materialize holds the key to solving Colorado's baseball woes forever and ever.
Never capable of shifting my focus, I've written only of Tulo since that moment. I only have eyes for thee. I don't write, read, watch TV, or even feed myself unless it somehow has something to do with Troy Tulowitzki. And now I've figured out a solution to this indescribable pain of lost love: he must come back. It's the only sensible move.
Like all the best comic book characters who ever died, Tulo can't be gone forever. Maybe then, souls in Denver can smile again. CarGo for Tulo. ... I mean, can you imagine? It would be Bridich's version of Ryan Reynolds totally screwing up Green Lantern and then almost single-handedly saving Deadpool.
Crazy, you say? Crazy like a fox.