Welcome to the 36th Purple Row edition (and 141st overall) of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we're here to wish you a Merry Christmas. Hopefully you get a little time away from the routines and monotony of daily life and can relax with people you like to be around this week. I'd also like to extend a thank you to the good folks that read (or watch) my posts each week since I've come over to this unique little community. Thanks for putting up with some of my silliness in the very serious world of internet sportswriting. Okay let's get into it...
(As noted before, the "writing portions" of some of my offseason posts will be brief. For the most part, there's not much going on with the Rockies these days and the staff here at Purple Row is covering the ins and outs of the offseason better than I can in this weekly format.)
In fact, we're jumping straight into the weekly departments today. And as you know, a few weeks ago, I added a new poll for you to vote on your favorite clips throughout the offseason. Sometime before Spring Training rolls around, we'll crown an offseason CLIP OF THE YEAR. So don't forget to vote for your favorite at the bottom of this post. (Last week's winner was a tie between Silent Night at Taylor U and Russell Westbrook's self-assist.)
Ass(es) of the week:
Some pretty easy candidates this week. The first one is Steve Harvey, because his screw-up was hilarious for people who don't care about (or understand) beauty pageants, which I think is like 90 percent of normal, functioning adults. Here's the full video if you've been living under a rock.
My favorite part of the whole thing? Harvey's since-deleted tweet, in which he apologizes to Miss Philippians (a book in the New Testament) and Miss Columbia (an American institution of higher learning) instead of the Philippines or Colombia, which were the countries of interest.
And because it's all the rage of the sports-talk world I should probably include Odell Beckham Jr. for these antics on Sunday:
... And Cody Wallace, whose hit on David Bruton seems quite a bit worse than Beckham's even though nobody is talking about this one for some reason.
Steelers' Cody Wallace comes in late and hits David Bruton in the head pic.twitter.com/UwwyxmQIIZ— The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) December 20, 2015
Stud of the week:
So this mom had a few attempts to win a big tuition discount at her daughter's private school. She doesn't seem to be very good at basketball, but she found a way. Her reaction is pretty great.
Also, during the BYU - Utah Las Vegas Bowl, Brent Musburger uttered perhaps the greatest line in broadcasting history. When Utah went up 35-0 in the first quarter he said, "I feel sorry for my Mormon friends at BYU. They don't drink! This game would drive you to it!" I can't find a video that will let me embed it, but here's a link if you're interested.
Vine of the week:
Kobe's handshake with a court-side fan was probably my favorite thing from previous week. Very smooth, very natural.
And a bunch of other stuff from around the internet:
This video is absolutely incredible. Check out this brutal knockout and the ensuing reactions from everyone involved. The winner, the ref, the announcers, and of course, the loser. This guy is out cold before he hits the ground. Then he pops up like he received the adrenaline shot from Pulp Fiction, then his legs don't quite work so he takes a quick nap, then he gets another Pulp Fiction adrenaline shot, then he seems to think he won, so he celebrates his triumphant victory, and then SCREW YOU GUYS I'M GOING HOME! ...aaaaaaand he's gone.
This reminds me of some of the most drunk college kids I've ever seen. It's actually kind of fascinating.
Hey check out this bat flip. This is Jesus Guzman playing in Venezuela and it is a very large bat flip. /inserts nondescript Jose Bautista joke here./
I don't know how it keeps happening, but Australian sports things KEEP making appearances in here. Look at this little guy's lettuce! What a beauty.
Something about this Vine is hypnotizing. It's kind of gross. It's kind of cool. But I can't stop watching.
This GIF absolutely cracks me up. The guy just pulls the runner's helmet off with both hands and chucks it like a sack of fertilizer. I don't know why he did that but I'm glad he did.
And finally, we'll close with a couple feel-good clips.
First, this video of an autistic team manager hitting a shot in the only playing time of his career.
Second, check out LeBron James' interaction with this young fan and read this excellent accompanying piece to fill you in on the details.
Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with post ideas, videos, or other media I should know about. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.