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A season with Troy Tulowitzki, as told by popular 1990s songs

We must confess, we still believe.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

It’s been a long road for Rockies star shortstop, Troy Tulowitzki. Stretches of superhuman athletic ability cut short by injury have kept the 30 year old phenom from putting together a full season since 2011. Tulowitzki exited Friday’s game at Dodger Stadium in the bottom of the third with tightness in his left quadriceps. In honor of a familiar feeling—and I suppose the 20th season of baseball at Coors Field—I present you with a mixtape. Instead of singing his life with my words, here is a season with Troy Tulowitzki set to some iconic sounds from the 1990s.


Troy Tulowitzki arrives at Spring Training

Track 1: "I Believe I Can Fly" - R Kelly
Coming back from what could only have been a shortened season, Tulo meets with reporters to assure them his offseason efforts have enabled him to run through that open door without so much as a limp. Of course, what he believes alone may not convince the skeptics, so he encourages them to spread their own wings and fly on down to Scottsdale. Seeing is believing, right?

Troy Tulowitzki headlines the Opening Day lineup

Track 2: "Men in Black" - Will Smith
Okay, so they’re technically only in black once every two weeks or so, but they are back, alright? After six months or so, Tulowitzki returns to action in front of a home crowd. Everyone is feeling good, lookin’ fresh, bouncin’, slidin’, walkin,’ and even jiggyin'. Well—maybe not walking. No seriously, take a walk.

Troy Tulowitzki is tearing up the baseball world, and basically all other worlds

Track 3: "Intergalactic" - Beastie Boys
At this point, Tulowitzki’s got a slash line beyond what anyone can dial. He may not be running marathons, but what’s important is that he’s running. Baseball belongs to Troy Tulowizki here, who is putting on an MVP caliber lazer show. Moonshots on moonshots, yo.

Troy Tulowitzki trade rumors begin

Track 4: "Say My Name" - Destiny’s Child
First it’s Tulowitzki wanting off of a losing team, then it’s the Rockies looking to make a blockbuster deal for big name pitching. Every year, several times a year, it seems something is going down. If somebody is there, then tell us who! Eventually, both sides will agree that neither one is running game on anyone else.

Troy Tulowitzki exists game with an apparent injury

Track 5: "All The Small Things" - blink 182
Say it ain’t so. Oh, but it is. Turn the lights off. And your TV.

Troy Tulowitzki is not in tonight’s lineup

Track 6: "Black Hole Sun" - Soundgarden
Everyone is nervous at this point, but not yet ready to admit it. However ominous things are looking, there is still hope, because it could be nothing. It’s totally nothing.

Troy Tulowitzki is placed on the disabled list

Track 7: "Don’t Speak" - No Doubt
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts, Keith Duggar. No seriously, these are sympathy pains.

Troy Tulowitzki to have season ending surgery

Track 8: "I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith
Several second opinions later, the scans and the verdict are in. Tulowitzki will miss the rest of the season; you will miss Tulowitzki for the rest of the season. Even if you're not actually beating on the dash of your Geo Metro in the pouring rain, that's pretty much what you feel like. Any postseason hope you possibly could have had is gone, and done are the days of that super creative, totally awesome clap clap clapclapclap...

In roll the #HOTTAKES

Track 9: "Party Up (Up in Here)" - DMX. The clean version, duh. 
No, whoever wrote that article, tweet or Facebook comment you just read is not kidding.

Replacement player X is called up from Triple-A

Track 10: "No Scrubs" - TLC
That utility infielder is not really cut out for this, so it’s time to make use of the open roster spot. An exciting opportunity for a young prospect, but these are big shoes to fill. Regardless of who lands the job, they are inexperienced, under developed and unqualified. Even if they aren’t, they are.

Replacement player X is ruining everything

Track 11: "Nothing Compares 2 U" - Sinead O’Connor
That ball went right through his legs. He’s batting .180. Tulowizki begins rehabilitation

Tulowitzki begins rehabbing

Track 12: "Tubthumping" - Chumbawamba
Tulo’s been knocked down, and now he’s getting back up. Until he gets knocked down again, in which case he will get back up...again. You’ve heard the chorus, its a cyclical thing. He'll show up to spring training in the best shape of his life and we'll try this again next season.


Baseball has not been kind to Troy Tulowitzki over the past few years. That is not to say it will always be this way, because it certainly hasn’t always been. The fact remains that Tulowitzki has the talent to be a future Hall of Famer, and no one is more frustrated by his injury history than he is. It’s a Semi-Charmed Life. With five years remaining on a contract that has his pockets full grown, the Rockies' shortstop has never stopped Going for Gold. Hopefully this time around Things Can Only Get Better.

No matter what happens...