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Tuesdays With Mitch: Cinco De Rockies

Celebrating today's holiday by considering some Rockies in a different, festive light.

By Mitch Hahn
Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to the third Purple Row edition (and 108th overall) of Tuesdays With Mitch, where I'm starting to wonder if an entire homestand will get rained out. Let's get into it...

Today is Cinco De Mayo and for many Americans that means a chance to celebrate the various aspects of Mexican culture and heritage. For others it simply provides an excuse to party or enjoy a few margaritas at noon on a Tuesday.

The Rockies have had a disappointing and not particularly entertaining week and I'm feeling festive. So I'm combining today's holiday with the the local baseball team we all choose to follow. It's a simple premise. I take somebody affiliated with the Rockies and find the corresponding Cinco De Mayo staple.

You with me? Good. Off we go...

DJ LeMahieu: Warm flour tortillas. An important part of every Cinco De Mayo meal, but hardly anything to get overly excited about. Just a nice contributor to tonight's festivities. Some might even call these tortillas bland. Or boring. But wait a minute... these tortillas are amazing! Woah, bro try the tortillas! These tortillas are stealing the show. These are some All-Star-level tortillas, right here.

Kyle Kendrick: The customary bowl of chips that come at the beginning of your Cinco De Mayo meal. You need those chips. You are counting on those chips. Those chips are surrounded by a solid cast of guacamole and salsa. After one delicious, warm, salty chip, you realize that the rest of the bowl is only crumbs. Remnants. Scraps. You search for a replacement bowl of chips. You do not find one. You are stuck. You are chipless. That first chip was good though!

Dick Monfort: The owner of your favorite Mexican restaurant. He can be seen getting in everyone's way in the kitchen, tasting the green chile and offering tips to the cooks, and arguing with the customers for some reason. Everything runs smoother when he's not around.

Adam Ottavino: The scent of fajitas wafting through the air. Yeah, those fajitas are going to make for a NICE Cinco De Mayo. You can smell greatness. Damn, the waiter just tripped and threw them all over the ground. There will be no more fajitas this year. Just wasn't meant to be.

Nolan Arenado: A bottle of Don Julio 1942 tequila. Smooth, smooth, and smooth. Powerful, flashy, and reliable, too. But mostly, smooth. The best tequila in the game. (His April highlight reel is worth a watch.)

Nick Hundley: Limes. Makes both the offense and defense, uhhh... I mean both the food and drinks, quite a bit better. You don't really notice limes at your Cinco party unless you don't have them. We missed these limes last year.

Drew Stubbs: The drunk college kid in a sombrero who just fell over. Now he's repeating the phrase "Cinco De Drinko" to himself. It doesn't look like he's going to be able to get up. You're not sure what to do with this guy. You feel bad for him, but he's also starting to piss you off. He was a really fun guest last year, but he sure is strugglin' this time around.

Drew Goodman: The live mariachi band. Just doing their job, doing it well in fact. People will still complain about the noise they make.

Troy Tulowitzki: The cold Coronas in the cooler. Even if you'd like something a little better, you shouldn't complain about cold beer. The beer last year was unbelievably good... until it ran out. I'll take cold Coronas like this all night. Just need to make sure the cooler is stocked and they'll always be available.

Jorge De La Rosa: The coolest dude at the party who arrives fashionably late.

George Frazier: The old, reliable piñata. That thing is getting pretty beat up. Seems like everyone here wants to take a swing at it. I guess he does make himself an easy target sometimes. Who knew pinatas could talk about food and Oklahoma?!

That's enough of that. Hey, if I missed something or you have a better comparison, hit up that comment section.

Now we proceed to the weekly departments...

Stud of the week:

Archie Bradley for surviving (literally) a horrific incident in which he took a 115 mph Carlos Gonzalez line drive off his face on Wednesday night. Bradley landed on the DL, but is okay and staying positive.

Here's wishing one of the game's brightest young prospects a quick and full recovery.

Ass of the week:

Floyd Mayweather. I have literally never felt worse about spending 100 bucks. Biggest waste of money ever. This concludes today's boxing analysis.

Tweet(s) of the week:

How weird was Wednesday's Orioles - White Sox game? What a crazy photo

Related: Gary Thorne's golf voice:

Photo of the week:

We jump over to the basketball world for this great shot of Vince Carter interacting with a young fan. (From SportCenter's Instagram account):

A photo posted by SportsCenter (@sportscenter) on

Some other stuff the internet had to offer:

So this Dodger fan filmed himself catching a home run ball. This is pretty wild:

(GIF via Huff Post)]

Yes, that's real. Here's a different angle:

Cool moment here. Mike Trout earning himself a new fan.

The Padres TV crew came up with some pretty funny "Keys to the game" against the Rockies:

George Springer made a pretty fantastic catch last night.

Because we have to compare great plays instead of simply enjoying them: Yes, Arenado's was better.

And finally, just watching these crazy bros increased my heart rate a whole bunch:

That dude doing screwing around and doing pull-ups and giggling at the 1:05 mark is absolutely nutty.

Happy Tuesday, everybody. Thanks for readin'. See ya next week.

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Comment on any of this stuff below, or email me at mdhahn1@yahoo.com with post ideas, videos, or other media I should know about. Follow me on Twitter @TuesWithMitch.

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