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Charlie Blackmon, Brandon Barnes display slides on opposite ends of the spectrum

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Bless these two men.

Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

So, we need to talk about something that happened in the Colorado Rockies' snoozer against the Arizona Diamondbacks on Monday. No, I don't care much that the Rockies' offense didn't show up.* And I'm certainly not going to worry, here on Aug. 31, about Chad Bettis allowing 11 hits in six innings.

* - What do you mean by "did you watch the bottom of the ninth inning?"

Instead, I want to discuss sliding. One of the underrated fundamentals of the game, using the dirt to get from one place to the next can be rather advantageous for players who do it right.

One player who indeed knows how to frolic in the mud is Charlie Blackmon, the Rockies' stolen base leader and clear king of the slide. Watch him gracefully pull off, as Nick Groke of The Denver Post put it, the "peeing dog."

Blackmon was originally called out on the play, but umpires quickly came to their senses. Speaking of senses, the next player profiled in our little masterpiece theatre may not have those anymore after this work of art.

Brandon Barnes is a nice guy. And he has a lot of fun on the baseball field. Guys like that are hard -- but, at the same time, also extremely easy -- to point and laugh at. Fortunately, I had no problem doing that when this play, which almost surely was the work of some sort of baseball higher order ensuring that the Rockies would think twice about stealing bases, occurred not long after Blackmon's slide:

That is ... huh. Wow. Let's take a closer look:

For what it's worth, Barnes was safe on the play, delivering what could very well be one of the worst-looking stolen bases of all time. So, to recap, some of the best groundwork we've seen from a Rockies player was pretty much immediately followed by one of the most embarrassing face plants since ... uh ... oh.

Baseball.