Your weekly roundup from the sports world and internet, Jan. 4

Welcome to the 37th Purple Row edition (and 142nd overall) of Tuesdays With Mitch, where we're here to wish you a Happy New Year, even if  the first week after the holidays and vacation time is the most depressing week of the year. Also, thanks to Connor for filling in for me last week. Let's get into it...

(As noted before, the "writing portions" of some of my offseason posts will be brief. For the most part, there's not much going on with the Rockies these days and the staff here at Purple Row is covering the ins and outs of the offseason better than I can in this weekly format.)

In fact, we're jumping straight into the weekly departments today. And as you know, a few weeks ago, I added a new poll for you to vote on your favorite clips throughout the offseason. Sometime before Spring Training rolls around, we'll crown an offseason CLIP OF THE YEAR. So don't forget to vote for your favorite at the bottom of this post. (Last week's winner was the one-handed Division One baller.)

Vine of the week:

So this lucky raccoon got some cotton candy. He went to rinse it in water, because (I've learned) that's what raccoons do. But they shouldn't do that with cotton candy!

This footage is pretty fascinating to me. It's also very sad. Poor fella was pumped to eat his sugary treat and it just vanished for no reason. Initial confusion comes first "Wait what's going on here?", followed by the desperate and frantic two-pawed lunge into the void, "OH GOD WHERE'D IT GO??!". (It's better without the sound.)

The Vine has been removed after about a billion loops for some reason, but here's a YouTube video:

That raccoon resembles the way Rockies fans feel every time we look forward to a quality pitching staff AMIRITE?!

Tweet of the week:

We covered this yesterday, but man, this is a gem from Dan Haren:

I would count out the days about a month in advance to see if I was gonna pitch in Coors field.

— dan haren (@ithrow88) January 4, 2016

It seems like the Rockies pitchers do the same thing, AMIRITE?!

And a bunch of other stuff from around the internet:

I've seen a lot of crazy footage from Buffalo Bills tailgates this NFL season, but this one takes the cake. It's not often you just light yourself on fire to get pumped for the big game. Whatever works, Bills fan. Whatever works.

There are tailgates & then there are Bills tailgates pic.twitter.com/vEBCvOEU3I (via @boxxa, @SouthernbeLLSU)

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) January 3, 2016

A Bills tailgate looks just like the Rockies bullpen AMIRITE?!

This audio is pretty awesome. Cam Newton audibles to something called, "Even Janitor" and someone, probably a teammate, asks, "Is that real?". Cam simply responds, "Yes". I could attempt to decode the Panthers line of scrimmage playcalls, but I prefer to think an offensive lineman was completely confused and legitimately wanted to know if "Even Janitor" is a real play.

"Is that real?" is what Rockies fans ask when they look at the starting rotation AMIRITE?!

I saw this guy live on TV and started cracking up, because this is exactly how I act when things go poorly in a sporting event. Processing what happens... Building rage... Building rage... Okay now I'm going to throw something or punch something or scream profanities... Nope, I'm a grown up... Just gunna cross my arms and act like a grown up... All good here.

Pretty sure this Sooners fan would have thrown the remote through his TV if he was at home pic.twitter.com/dKgFoAygeI

— The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) December 31, 2015

You know what makes me act like that? Rockies pitching AMIRITE?!

Nice camerawork here to find the lone green shirt amidst a see of purple during the best bowl game of the year. This guy isn't as excited as his neighbors.

That guy in the green is what Rockies fans look like when the Rox bullpen blows a lead, AMIRITE?!

Your weekly reminder that college is fun, sports are fun, and college sports are fun.

The Rockies' pitching staff pitches like those guys are always behind home plate. Like... they're distracted... uhh AMIRITE?!

The meme of the week was this guy hijacking Christian McCaffrey's postgame interview after his incredible performance in the Rose Bowl by repeatedly yelling "HEISMAN!".

My favorite part of that whole deal was when Ohio State head basketball coach Thad Matta joined in on the fun during his own player's interview.

This is like the way Rockies fans yell at the Monforts about pitching. And just like the way the Monforts ignore us all, AMIRITE?!

Last week we saw a nice compilation of people falling off of their new hoverboard things. But, this one, from Mike Tyson is better than the rest, because it's Mike Tyson. He goes down pretty damn hard.

#hoverboard #knockout #MikeTysonBreaksBack #imtoooldforthisshit @getcyboard

A video posted by Mike Tyson (@miketyson) on Dec 29, 2015 at 10:35am PST

I haven't seen a flop like that since the Rockies' pitching staff AMIRITE?!

This fake wildlife documentary about people at the gym is great. It's six minutes long and a little-NSFW, so I'm just going to link it, but it get's my full recommendation.

And finally, we'll shift gears with this touching tribute to Stuart Scott from his daughters. They released this yesterday, on the one-year anniversary of his death. It should help put things in perspective.