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Super Bowl prop bets 2016: Let's make up ones that involve the Rockies, Broncos and Panthers

If only Las Vegas was as focused on the intricacies of a certain last-place baseball team as they are the Super Bowl... Then maybe we could actually bet on these.

Rob Carr/Getty Images
Welcome to the 41st Purple Row edition (and 145th overall) of Tuesdays With Mitch, where there's (still) a pocket of purple amid Colorado's sea of orange. Let's get into it...

The supersized, ultra-American event that the Super Bowl has become offers something for just about everybody. There's football. There's unhealthy food. There's drinks. There's commercials that everybody gets excited about before complaining that there weren't any good ones this year. There's a halftime show that everybody makes fun of and some people probably enjoy. There's grandiose displays of patriotism. And there's gambling.

Oh boy, is there gambling. Like all NFL games, there are point spreads and over/unders. But the Super Bowl also offers an absurd array of prop bets.

I love tracking the prop bets because their ridiculous nature is particularly fitting for the spectacle that is the Super Bowl. Our overlords at SB Nation put together a handy list of 50 available prop bets here. They include the coin toss, the length of the National Anthem, yardage totals for certain players and teams, things the announcers will say and a whole bunch of other silly stuff.

You can even bet on another appearance from Left Shark (15/1), which gives me an excuse to include this GIF:

Among the prop bets, I've always been fascinated by the "Cross-Sports Props". For example, this year you can bet on which total will be higher: Demarcus Cousins total points and rebounds on February 7th against the Celtics or Cam Newton's total rushing yards.

So this got me thinking, what if Las Vegas was as obsessed with the Rockies as all of us are? What if we could combine the fun silliness of Super Bowl prop bets with the team we all know so well.

I'm here to help! I've come up with 7 different Rockies-related bets. Have at it! Let me know which way you're leaning in the comments. I hope you have patience, because you're going to need to hold on to your pretend betting slips until October for most of these.

What will be higher?

  • Number of seconds in the National Anthem
  • Games Carlos Gonzalez plays as a Rockie in 2016
Though we don't know who is going to sing it yet, the over/under on the anthem time is expected to be one minute, 57 seconds, for a total of 117 seconds. CarGo played in 153 games last year, but averaged just 90 in the two years prior to 2015. It was/is also assumed by many that CarGo would/will be traded at some point in the offseason or before the July 31st deadline.

What will be higher?

  • Cam Newton rushing yards
  • Charlie Blackmon total stolen bases in 2016
The over/under on Newton's total rushing yards is 39.5. Blackmon stole a career-high 43 bags last year.

What will be higher?

  • Total QB sacks (both teams combined)
  • Nolan Arenado's 2016 rWAR
The over/under on the sack total is 5.5. Nolan produced a 5.8 rWAR last year. He hit 42 homers and knocked in 130 runs, but his anemic walk rate led to just a .323 on-base percentage, which hindered his WAR.

What will be higher?

  • Total number of penalties (both teams combined)
  • Total number of different Rockies' pitchers that start a game in 2016
The over/under on the penalty total is 12.5. The Rockies started 12 different pitchers last year. Hopefully things are a little more stable this year, but keep in mind that in 2014 the Rockies started 15 different dudes.

What will be higher?

  • Peyton Manning total passing yards
  • Jose Reyes 2016 batting average.
Manning is expected (by Vegas) to throw for about 235 yards on Sunday. Reyes hit .259 as a Rockie last year.

Will the Denver Broncos win the Super Bowl and the Colorado Rockies win the World Series in 2016?

  • Yes (450/1)
The Rockies currently have 250/1 odds to win the Series, and the Broncos are +175 to win straight-up on Sunday. There's a good chance that my math is wrong, but I just combined the two odds and rounded up to the nearest 50.

What will be higher?

  • Number of television viewers for Super Bowl 50
  • Tweets about the Monforts selling the Rockies (from the day pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training through the last game of the Rockies season. Serious tweets and parody/jokes both count.)
The Super Bowl is expected to draw 117 million viewers.

Now we proceed to the weekly departments. And as you know, I added a poll for you to vote on your favorite clips throughout the offseason. Sometime before Spring Training rolls around, we'll crown an offseason CLIP OF THE YEAR. So don't forget to vote for your favorite at the bottom of this post. (Last week's winner was Charlie Blackmon's backwards half court shot.)

Studs of the week:

The Super Bowl Media Day moved into prime time this year because the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE will not stop conquering America until every man, woman, and child has a tattoo of THE SHIELD on their face and has publicly announced their undying devotion to Roger Goddell (I think). Anyway, this production is the kind of thing I would never, ever watch unless my favorite team was playing in the game. Because the Broncos were there I gave it a shot, and... it was a pretty tough watch. I couldn't make it more than a half hour.

Anyway, the silly charade did produce this absolutely awesome moment. Here, Peyton Manning is being interviewed by 14-year-old cancer survivor Austin Denton. (More background here.)

Kid's a natural!

Ass of the week:

The NBA's gotta do something about these intentional fouls. Actually, no. They don't. These piggy-back rides are hilarious.


Vine of the week:

Awesome moment of kids and sports and happiness and youthful exuberance and all that stuff here. This guy's face is priceless.

A little bit later, he was also able to produce ANOTHER adorable  GIF:

And a bunch of other stuff from around the internet:

Twitter gave us a couple of cool buzzer beaters this weekend. First, a pretty amazing middle school game-winner. It cracks me up that the kids and coaches on the bench throw up their hands like they know that 80-footer is going in.

...Then a JV high school game from some place. Quite the defensive awareness here.
This video is getting all kinds of run. A mom reacts to a Nicki Minaj song. Personally, I had no idea Nicki Minaj's songs were so vulgar. I mean, this is some vulgar stuff! Anyway, yeah the song lyrics here are very NSFW, so be careful. Pretty funny though.
John Scott's reaction to Patrick Kane getting booed was pretty funny.

Arizona State got Michael Phelps to help distract free throw shooters. Awesome to see someone as high-profile as Phelps have this kind of fun.
Here's a guy very calmly screwing with a reporter. He uses a big, inflatable banana. You'd think this kind of thing would get old. You'd be wrong.

And finally, the NFL "Bad Lip Reading" series released another video today. (I think it's their third one.) As always, it's pretty damn funny.

Now go vote in the poll below!

Happy Tuesday, everybody. Thanks for readin'. See ya next week.