It's well known the breakup last summer wasn't according to plan for Troy as his loyalty to the organization was thrown under the bus for the greener pastures of power arm prospects and a future beyond the shortstop.
With these shots fired between Tulowitzki and the Rockies' organization, you could say the sides are acting like bitter ex-lovers on Facebook, posting statuses that don't name each other but you can definitely infer who they're talking about pretty easily.
Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is a pop star best known for her breakup diss tracks and emotional lyrics owning her former beaus. If you're like me, you can spot which lyrics are talking about which boyfriend. If you're not like me, you probably use your brain for more worthy causes like your job, or fixing society's problems. But hey... to each their own.
But could you be able to tell the difference between a Taylor Swift lyric and a Tulowitzki quote? What if I put some down right now and forced you to guess? What if that's the point of this article that you're reading? Alright, let's go!
"You know what, and this is just being completely honest, it’s tough for me now to trust anybody in this game after what happened, I’m sure these guys are great here. But at the same time, with what happened, it’s really tough."
"And I guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the story's got dust on every page. Sometimes I wonder how you think about it now and I see your face in every crowd."
"Rain came pouring down, when I was drowning that's when I could finally breathe. And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean."
"You get lied to, straight to your face, you get upset. I believe in forgiveness, but at the same time, I don’t plan on being friendly with them, or anything like that."
"I like this place a lot better than Arizona, that place was like a country club. Guys got comfortable because it was so nice.
"Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up. Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well."
"Ok look I'm honest, girl I can't lie I miss you. You and the music were the only things that I'd commit to. I never cheated, for the record, back when I was with you. But you believed in everything but me girl I don't get you."
"So, I’m looking forward to having a year where I don’t have to talk about it. It’s going to be great."
To the answers!
★ ★ ★
Answer #1: Troy Tulowitzki
This is a Tulo quote. You can tell because he says "in this game" which refers to baseball and not a relationship. If you call your relationship a game, you probably aren't going to date a lot of good people because that's a mean thing to say.
Answer #2: Taylor Swift
This is from Taylor's song Holy Ground off her album Red. You can tell because the words have a rhythm to them and she uses metaphorical devices to describe an finished past relationship instead of just being literal like how a person would speak normally.
Answer #3: Taylor Swift
This is also Taylor, lyrics from the song Clean off 1989. This track is about finally getting over Harry Styles. This is a toughie since I'm sure at some point Tulo has used a water metaphor to describe the emotion he felt after being traded (who hasn't?!). You can crack this one by noticing the second line "gone was any trace of you". That's just not how people speak outside of song lyrics or Yoda quotes.
Answer #4: Troy Tulowitzki
That is Tulo this past week talking about the Rockies' front office. What's interesting about this is literally a day ago Ken Rosenthal ran a piece where Tulowitzki said he's pretty much over it. So it's basically like Taylor Swift releasing Clean and then dropping an album a day later called "Kiss my ass, Harry Styles." We'd be like, "wait a second Taylor you just said that there's no trace of Harry left why are you still releasing albums about him?" And Taylor would have to atone for that.
Answer #5: Troy Tulowitzki
This is Tulo talking about how he didn't like how nice Salt River Fields was because Troy is some kind of psychopath who wants to be uncomfortable. This is like moving to a cozy one bed on the Upper East Side of Manhattan from a shared studio in Astoria and complaining about your bed not shaking when trucks drive by and the shower always having hot water. Oh, sorry we updated the facilities, Troy. We'll do better to make it feel like it did in the 1960s next time, ya loony.
Answer #6: Taylor Swift
This is from Taylor Swift's anthem All Too Well from Red. You might remember this song because she killed it at the Grammys one year throwing it down on the piano. The thing I like about this lyric is you could honestly see Troy saying it to someone. You could honestly see that being a quoted response to something a reporter asked.
Answer #7: Trick question, this is a Drake lyric
These are Drake lyrics. Stay on your toes!
Answer #8: Troy Tulowitzki
That's Troy back in October. What's ironic about this is that he's still freaking talking about it. That's fun. This is like posting a Facebook status saying "Finally thriving!" and getting 27 likes then waking up the next day and posting a Smiths music video with a caption "Whatever." Like, dude, we know what you're talking about.
★ ★ ★
Look, I don't want to attack a guy for having emotion. I think policing emotions is mean spirited and I think people do it too much. I'm not attacking Troy for feeling betrayed or saddened by his departure. If he wants to be betrayed, that's perfectly fine. But I will be frank: it's childish to still be talking about it, especially after repeatedly saying you're done talking about it.
It's easy for him to be professional in some of these situations and he chooses to be petty. I think we should all be petty sometimes, but there comes a point in your life where you have to accept that it's happened and it's time to stop firing shots in the direction of the person who wronged you.
Has Troy ever heard the phrase "the best revenge is living well"? Honestly, he should look it up. If he hits 200 home runs through the life of his contract and wins two World Series titles, that will hurt Jeff Bridich and the Rockies 100 times harder than cheap jabs at how he doesn't like nice facilities or warm socks.
Anyways, did you get all the quotes right?