Welcome to Football Friday, a baseball column by Connor. I am Connor. Each week I will dive into the previous seven days of baseball news, shout my opinion into the void, discuss some things about the Colorado Rockies, and answer your emails. Some of them.
Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll see what happens, OK?
The Rockies have an obvious problem and, most likely, an even more obvious solution. Here's what we know and where we are.
One: Ryan Raburn is a career .827 OPS hitter against left handed pitching, and he fills a direct need the Rockies lineup has and will be a valuable platoon/bench bat if the club decides to invite him to the 25-man roster.
Two: Brandon Barnes is an exceptional defender with an impeccable work ethic, and his effort on the field has led to numerous exciting plays in the outfield with even a somewhat manageable offensive output he would be a valuable addition if the club decides to invite him to the 25-man roster.
But both have holes in their game: Raburn's defensive output is middling at best, and he will be a liability in the outfield whenever the Rockies decide to use him; Barnes' bat leaves a lot to be desired if the club expects him to stick as a Major Leaguer.
Three: the Rockies may not have a spot available for both on the roster. Even with the news of Daniel Descalso's injury, the Rockies may be using an 8-man bullpen to bolster their young rotation, using two long men in Chris Rusin and Christian Bergman to help out whenever a young kid struggles on the bump.
Four: But what if the Rockies had a solution that would wash all of this worry away? What if they could have the perfect outfielder with the players they have right now? Would you think they're dumb for not utilizing this option? Would you blame the Front Office for not seeing this and making it happen?
Have you seen Voltron?
Voltron is the defender of the universe, a combination of five Lion robot's piloted by astronauts that, when combined, form a super robot that defeats evil and protects good. Individually, the Lionbots are good. They can defeat a small enemy alone. But combined, they cover each other's faults and their teamwork makes them into the perfect warrior.
The Rockies could learn a thing or two from Voltron, and it is downright embarrassing that they haven't thought of this before. And that brings us to...
Five: Combine the legs and the defense of Brandon Barnes with the arms and offensive ability of Ryan Raburn. Simple.
Scientifically it may not make sense right now, but a lot of things about science don't make sense to me. For instance, worm holes. Why don't they have worms? I expect a scientist will begrudgingly explain the body combination process to me much like my college astronomy professor explained worm holes. But more importantly, the fact is the Rockies likely have access to this science and are either ignoring it or intentionally not doing it in order to make the team bad.
What other explanation is there for a club having access to a superhuman outfielder and not using that access? I mean, what else are they not utilizing? What else are they holding back to keep the expenses down and the profit margins up?
We must, as fans, rally together to force the organization to use their superhuman resources when they are available. And that, my friends, is why I have started a petition on Change.org, asking that the Monforts and Jeff Bridich admit they have the ability to combine the bodies and skills of Barnes and Raburn and, furthermore, that they do it.
Please go here to sign my petition. Thank you.
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The Good Opinion of the Week
Each week, I will personally scour Rockies-related Twitter feeds for good opinions on food, music, movies, or even bottled water. I will feature anything that I look at and think "that is a good opinion." This week, the good opinion comes from Rockies prospect (and friend of the website) Matt Carasiti who tweets:
. @Tstory2 bombs got me like... pic.twitter.com/PeM6LOchlm— Matt Carasiti (@Siti_11) March 14, 2016
Trevor Story is dope.
We don't know how good of a major league player Trevor is going to be, and a good spring training has never guaranteed a long major league career. But, for now, in these two weeks we've had so far, Trevor has done his best to make us forget our last two shortstops. Gone are the headlines of Tulowitzki trash talking Salt River, gone are the questions on what the Rockies will do with Jose Reyes, because Trevor Story is here.
So far this spring, Trevor's mashed four home runs, put up an OPS at 1.444, and got everyone's heart aflutter at the prospect becoming the first in a long line of potential All-Stars the team is about to graduate to the big leagues.
Perhaps it's the fact he plays shortstop, maybe it's that he's representing the beginning of a new era in Rockies history, it could be a combination of these things. Whatever the reason, Trevor's making us feel good about baseball again.
Which is nice.
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Welcome to the mailbag! Every week I'll read what you degenerate jerks have to say to me. Better make it good.
This week I tweeted out a prompt for you guys to make some wildly ridiculous predictions for the 2016 season. I blocked anyone that sent me "Dinger gets killed." Frankly, that's just rude.
My personal ridiculous prediction is that nobody tweets angry things at me all year. Nobody gets mad online in my general direction – that is my prediction for the 2016 season. Here are some of yours.
In 2016, the Rockies will make a run for the Presidency of the United States of America on a 3rd party ticket and seem to be left in the dust. In September and October they will make a miraculous surge and win the election..only to be impeached immediately following their allowance of Dinger to be Secretary of State.
Dinger would be a fine statesman and an even better negotiator.
The Rockies 2016 season will end in June as the team will cancel their remaining games to save the fans some misery.
Nolan Arenado will win the Triple Crown and MVP.
For the Cardinals.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Here is Olivia from PINSVILLAGE in Kushan city, China. here are many kinds of products including pins, coins, medals, etc.
With high quality & competitive price, hope to cooperate with you.
I'm waiting for your reply if you are interest in our company. Thanks & regards.
Well this seems like less of a prediction and more like a heck of a good deal!
Are you Olivia or Betty?
You said both.
You said both.
That's the mailbag this week. Please keep emailing me, I am lonely.
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How are the Rockies copying the Broncos this week?
The Broncos are Denver's elite franchise, with three Super Bowl titles and eight appearances. Four of those appearances have happened after I was born, with all three titles coming while I could watch them. Denver is a Broncos town, and it has been for as long as I've been alive and perhaps even longer (unconfirmed).
The annoying thing about the Broncos is their mentality crosses over into how people analyze the other sports. People ask "why don't the Monforts just operate how the Broncos do?" Which just isn't fair, but people still whine about it.
This week, the Broncos are actually copying the Rockies! After a championship, it's usually not a shocker for players to chase big pay days on other teams and for the roster to have some turnover. But for the Broncos, this turnover has turned into "we pretty much have a new team."
Tack on to that with a trade for all-around handsome guy Mark Sanchez (who is not a good QB) and you've seen the Super Bowl honeymoon end a lot quicker than a lot of people anticipated. The Broncos have had an off-season that would rank in the top five of Rockies weird offseasons.
It's very strange to think that Mark Sanchez could be the QB of the 2016 Denver Broncos.
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Has Connor Been Owned? (By someone other than Thomas)
Each week, our team of investigators and officials here at Connor, Inc. will look into whether or not Connor was the victim of an "own." For the uneducated, an own is often a comeback or put down that renders the person speechless and unable to turn the conversation around. It's also described as a "serve" or "savage." I'm a medical miracle in that at no point in my life have I been owned by anyone not named Thomas Wilson.
Here is what the committee brought forth as evidence this week:
@rockiesVSconnor Prediction: Connor goes 0-162 against the internet, gets owned every day of the season— Isaac Marks (@Ambidextrosity_) March 17, 2016
Rox Pile editor Isaac Marks takes a shot at owning me this week saying I get owned during every Rockies game of the season this year.
S. M. H.
First off, I've only been owned once.
Second off, I have accumulated an uncountable number of wins against the Internet. I'm the dang Wilt Chamberlain of online arguments, stacking up points (and sexual partners) left and right. I am the OG and you will respect me as such.
The committee has ruled I was not owned in this instance.
[Editor's note: Have a crazy MLB prediction for the upcoming season? Email it to Connor, at email@example.com, right now. Yes, you can own him in the email, too.]