Welcome to the 46th Purple Row edition (and 150th overall) of Tuesdays With Mitch, where the offseason is just about over. Finally. Let's get into it...
For much of the winter, in lieu of writing about baseball, I spent my time laughing at stuff on the internet and sharing it with the good folks who read Purple Row on a regular basis. In mid-November, as baseball faded from the national conscience, I added a poll for you to vote on whatever you thought was the funniest or best clip of each week.
Today, I've compiled the winners from those 15 very important contests. It's time to crown a very important winner for the very important title of CLIP OF THE OFFSEASON! (I really did find myself laughing pretty damn hard as I was putting this together. It's amazing how quickly we forget about stuff like this as new stuff rolls in to take its place.)
I hope you've gotten a few chuckles out of these over the course of the winter. Thanks for voting and thanks for not kicking me off of this website for making posts that aren't necessarily Rockies-centric.
The rules for voting:
- No rules. Vote for whatever you feel like.
I used the same introduction/reaction to each clip from the original posting, so if one of my hilarious quips seems out of date, you know why.
Off we go!
I'm just going to leave this here without mentioning that this fine young man is a Purple Row staff writer.
Not sure what's going on here, but I always enjoy the latest in high-five/fist-bump skullduggery. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but this sneaky gentleman sure SEEMS to be an American hero.
So I have a bit of a predicament here because the Monmouth Hawks' bench has produced enough clips to generate several blog posts on their own. (Like this one and this one.) The MAAC squad has pulled off some big upsets in the early season and they're having fun doing it. And when they have more fun, we have more fun! Hooray for fun! Sports! Here are a few of my favorite wacky celebrations from these goofballs:
You wish your bench was as cool as ours @MonmouthBench pic.twitter.com/0U0oe6WxSa— Mike Zimmermann (@MCZimmermann) November 28, 2015
(I'm only including those two clips today, but you can see more of these guys here.)
I've never seen a cat put a person in a head lock and pull them down by their neck before, but this cat sure comes close. This cat is out here performing professional-level wrestling moves on that adorable, bundled-up youngster. I love that split second when the tiny mountain lion is just hanging on the kids' neck before she gets twisted down on her face. What a fantastic GIF. I can't stop watching this cat.
The uprising has begun. ht @ciphergoth pic.twitter.com/DFM9Jeerg8— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) December 6, 2015
Do you all know about the "Silent Night" tradition at Taylor University? It's one of the coolest things in sports and looks to be about as much fun as a college kid can possibly have. Here's the gist:
- Dress up in a ridiculous costume for a probably-meaningless December basketball game
- Stay completely silent until the Taylor scores its tenth point of the game
- Go absolutely nuts, causing a timeout on the floor
- Cap off the night by singing "Silent Night" in unison as the game winds down (shown in the beginning of this video, for some reason).
This video is absolutely incredible. Check out this brutal knockout and the ensuing reactions from everyone involved. The winner, the ref, the announcers, and of course, the loser. This guy is out cold before he hits the ground. Then he pops up like he received the adrenaline shot from Pulp Fiction, then his legs don't quite work so he takes a quick nap, then he gets another Pulp Fiction adrenaline shot, then he seems to think he won, so he celebrates his triumphant victory, and then SCREW YOU GUYS I'M GOING HOME! ...aaaaaaand he's gone.
This reminds me of some of the most drunk college kids I've ever seen. It's actually kind of fascinating.
So this lucky raccoon got some cotton candy. He went to rinse it in water, because (I've learned) that's what raccoons do. But they shouldn't do that with cotton candy!
This footage is pretty fascinating to me. It's also very sad. Poor fella was pumped to eat his sugary treat and it just vanished for no reason. Initial confusion comes first "Wait what's going on here?", followed by the desperate and frantic two-pawed lunge into the void, "OH GOD WHERE'D IT GO??!". (It's better without the sound.)
The Vine has been removed after about a billion loops for some reason, but here's a YouTube video:
We had a tie this week, so I'm including both of them here. Number 1:
Nothing like messing with news reporters on live TV. I love how flustered this lady gets.
This man is my hero pic.twitter.com/dZ9ogUuGMs— Slevin Kelevra (@ToeKnee2GX) January 8, 2016
And finally, it's been a long time since we've had a local news report that made us all laugh because of an eccentric and energetic interviewee describing a dramatic and harrowing scene. A few years ago we had a nice run with this oneand this one and this one and this one. A new one surfaced yesterday and it's pretty solid.
Hey it's always nice to see the Broncos win playoff games. Let's all enjoy the most hilarious play in the history of THE NATIONAL FOOTBAW LEAGUE!
(GIF via Deadspin)
Yes, Charlie Blackmon reached a deal to avoid arbitration yesterday, but this week's most important news regarding Blackmon was his performance at a recent Nuggets game. This is phenomenal.
Rockies OF Charlie Blackmon hits backwards half court shot at Nuggets game pic.twitter.com/YoyBldSHmK— The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) January 22, 2016
Arizona State got Michael Phelps to help distract free throw shooters. Awesome to see someone as high-profile as Phelps have this kind of fun.
This. Is. EVERYTHING.#Pac12Hoops #Pac12AfterDarkhttps://t.co/fiCmcZBoGD— Pac-12 Networks (@Pac12Networks) January 29, 2016
The best thing to come from the Super Bowl (aside from the city of Denver winning it's first major championship in 15 years) was the Mannings' celebrating like crazy when the Broncos locked it up. Especially Eli! Eli is going nuts! A lot is going on in this Vine. It's wonderful.
I haven't made it a point to watch the Slam Dunk Contest in years. In my eyes the event has just lost much of its luster and grown stale. But, when catching up with this year's even from Saturday night, it became clear that it was quite the show. There's a whole recap here, but just look at this dunk from runner-up(!) Aaron Gordon. This has to be the dunk of the night.
Let's slow it down. pic.twitter.com/4lZ6iFp1wC— Hardwood Paroxysm (@HPbasketball) February 14, 2016
That is an absolutely absurd display of athleticism. Like, jaw-dropping stuff. Pretty sweet.
And finally, at long last, we have footage of a T-Rex riding a horse who is playing soccer. Why do we have footage of this? I need you to stop asking questions.
Enseñándole a mi caballo Firulai a jugad futbol. pic.twitter.com/OBN1trmzm0— Faustino Asprilla (@TinoasprillaH) February 18, 2016
I didn't put together a poll last week, so that's your list. The 15 best clips from a long, cold winter. Have at it!
I look forward to having some baseball to talk with everybody in the very near future.
Happy Tuesday, everybody. Thanks for readin'. See ya next week.