A how-to guide to the Jumbotron at Coors Field

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A couple weeks ago in this space, we discussed the movie The Sandlot. There is a famous quote in the movie said by ghost Babe Ruth, "Heroes get remembered, but legends never die."

Anyone who’s been to a Rockies game knows what it takes to be a legend. The fans deemed worthy of being displayed in front of the masses live on forever through the stories told at the water cooler on Monday mornings. And the beauty of it is that anyone can make it big.

If you want to be a legend, you need to make it on the Jumbotron.

As a proud member of the Jumbotron fraternity (April 24, 2004 vs. the Astros), I like to think I'm one of the foremost authorities in the industry. There is no magic formula for getting famous, but as anyone who has been to more than a handful of games at Coors Field knows, the between-inning shtick certainly has its trends.

There are two aspects of Tronning that needs to be addressed. First, obviously, is how to get the cameraman gods to shine down on you and get you on-screen. Then, once that is accomplished, what to do to maximize your moment of fame.

There are several key demographics that attract cameras like the Kardashians.  Notably, these would be babies and men with facial hair.  Babies are the obvious one. There's no reason not to throw them up on the screen.  I'm more curious about Coors Field's obsession with hair.  From Floyd's 99 chair shuffle to "Finding Sasquatch" to "Tweets from Blackmon's Beard," or the recent addition, "Player or Primate?", the Rockies have an infatuation with fuzz. This reflects on their crowd scanning. If they find a man with a beard down to the belly button or a mustache that necessitates wax, that person will almost certainly be shown once, if not multiple times. I am not sure if the Rockies are feeding off recent social trends or just taking advantage of their popular center fielder's look, but either way, having a guy with a beard in your crew (or being that guy) will almost certainly get the lens pointed your direction.

Did they give away a newsboy cap? Wear it.  A bobblehead? Hold it up with pride. Did you just drop a couple hundred dollars at the dugout store so your 10-year-old son can look like a Jeff Bridich impersonator? They love to reward you for that. It's all about promoting the brand and if everything in your vicinity has the "CR" Logo on it, they will throw you up there for all to bear witness to your consumerist efforts.

The Jumbotron is split to where about 80 percent of the screen time focuses on the 60 players and coaches in both dugouts, compared to about 20 percent going to the thousands of people in the stands. The math does itself. You have a much better chance of getting your face posted out in left field if you also happen to be in the top .01 percent of the population in baseball ability. This isn't as easy as being a baby, but it comes with a bigger payoff. A perfect example of this would be fan favorite Tony Wolters. How many times was he shown on the Coors Field scoreboard before he made the 25-man roster? Probably none.  Now, his chiseled jaw makes an appearance on the daily, and he even moved to catcher so he could get himself into the pitching highlights.

You've done everything I've asked, and mid-sip on your beer, you notice your own mug hanging up above left field. This is the moment Eminem talks about at the beginning of "Lose Yourself." How will you capture it?

There aren't a whole lot of rules here, other than that you can't play it cool. Nobody likes the guy who seems to ignore the fact that they are on the screen. If we all have to look at you, you should do something exciting or awesome. Here are some moves that always hit:

Reserved primarily for little kids or Purple Row writers who lack social skills, this is the classic. It shows everyone that you appreciate the attention being given to you, but have no idea how to handle it. This move is like duct tape. It may not be the best option, but it always gets the job done.

-Bonus points if you somehow manage to look at the camera the whole time instead of yourself.

Made popular by basketball players. This goes back to promoting the product; if you aren't wearing Rockies gear, you end up looking like an idiot. You aren't getting paid by Nike, so stop popping that, "Just Do It" shirt. It also doesn't work if you don't have a swagger to you (see linked picture for an example). Ultimately, consider this an advanced move. If you need to read this article, you don't need to be trying something like this.

-Bonus points if you pop your shirt with one hand while flashing a, "number 1" sign with the other hand.

Reserved primarily for women on ladies' night. The move consists of putting your hands above your head with a slight bend at the elbows, swaying back and forth, and bouncing in a way that doesn't quite match the beat of the song. Works especially well if you have a drink in your hand.

-Bonus points if you have a drink in each hand.

This move is what the internet would describe as "savage." Think about this: you've read this article, you've practiced in the mirror, you go to the game. Your time to shine comes during the top of the fourth inning. As you reach down to pop your recently-purchased Rockies jersey, some fool in a fedora steps between you and the camera, stealing the moment you've tried so hard to earn. That being said, it's an unfair world out there and if you find yourself with this opportunity, I can't blame you for seizing it.

I've given you what I know, now the rest is on you. Being famous takes work. The cameramen are always looking for new talent on the scene. Go out and make the most of it, and I hope to see you at the game popping your giveaway t-shirt.