Welcome to Football Friday, a baseball column by Connor. Each week I will dive into the previous seven days of baseball news, shout my opinion into the void, discuss some things about the Colorado Rockies, and answer your emails. Some of them.
A couple of weeks ago, Hartford Yard Goats pitcher and No. 23 PuRP Harrison Musgrave tweeted that he was leaving some tickets for film star and attractive person Anna Kendrick.
I'm going to leave @AnnaKendrick47 tickets for tonight's game in Portland. Think she'll show?— harrison musgrave (@hmusky15) April 14, 2016
Kendrick, star of such films as Pitch Perfect and Up in the Air, is from Portland, Maine, but she did not respond to the tweet nor did she attend the game. She was likely pretty busy filming a big budget movie or living the celebrity lifestyle which appears to be a non-stop affair.
But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try our very hardest to get Anna to attend a Musgrave start before the end of this season.
I'm not sure if Kendrick's parents still live in Portland, or if they have since moved. A quick Google research session didn't turn up any information, which I suppose is a good thing. So it's unknown if Anna ever returns to the Maine capital. But, she might! Either way, Hartford isn't that far from New York City, and I'm sure Anna is there pretty often considering it's a great place to be. There's going to be plenty of options for Anna to see Harrison live and in person and with free tickets -- how could she say no?!
Every movement (and this is a movement) needs a hashtag, a way for people to come together and tweet as one to show their strength. This has worked tremendously with social movements on social media and also it helped Mountain Dew pick it's newest flavor! I've come up with a snazzy hashtag that I would like people to use. Please inform Harrison. It is #HelloAnnaKendrickPleaseListenToUsWhenWeAskYouToComeToAHartfordYardGoatsGameButOnlyOneThatHarrisonMusgraveIsStartingJustKiddingYouCanComeToAnyButThisIsImportantThatYouMeetHarrisonMusgrave
That way you can encapsulate your whole message and let people know exactly what you're supporting so they have zero questions on what it is or if they should help the movement.
Oh wow, ok, I just tried to type that hashtag into twitter and it was 141 characters over, so instead of that hashtag you can use:
Please tweet, retweet, send it to Anna and MiLB, let's start a movement folks, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The Good Opinion of the Week
Each week, I will personally scour Rockies-related Twitter feeds for good opinions on food, music, movies, or even bottled water. I will feature anything that I look at and think "that is a good opinion." This week, the good opinion comes from Yard Goats third baseman and noted Bachelor fan Ryan McMahon who tweets:
No need to check snapchat stories, we are all aware it's day three at Coachella— Ryan McMahon (@Ry_McMahon) April 17, 2016
Last week was the second and final weekend at Coachella, the California music festival famous for it's indie music and weird flower hats among other things. Coachella has plateaued in it's popularity, as it's become less of a festival for people to enjoy music and more of a status symbol for people to remind you that they do things. There's going to be thousands of people at this thing who could not care less who is on stage because they get to tell people they're at Coachella. It's become the Paris of music festivals, the Facebook meme of actual experiences.
I'm not hating on everyone that went and enjoyed themselves, do you man that's your experience and if you enjoyed it I'm happy for you.
Just know that a lot of people went just to say they went, not so they could actually, you know, enjoy Coachella.
I doubt this is what Ryan is getting at, I think he's more complaining about Snapchat becoming a rerun of Coachella B roll in ten second increments and there's only so many "WOOOO COACHELLAAA YEAAA" snaps you can take before you throw your phone into the river and slowly walk into traffic.
Either way, good opinion Ryan.
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Welcome to the mailbag! Here is where I will answer your questions and comments, that is if you email them to me. Email email@example.com to get a response, please send me more emails I am very lonely.
This week, I have a nice email from Colin who writes:
Like most good Americans, I drink beer when attending baseball games in person. However, I'm currently unsure of what I should drink at home when watching baseball on TV. I prefer a good beer when having a good time, especially an IPA or a Pale Ale. I also enjoy red wine before bed, as it helps calm me down and is supposedly good for the heart. Hopefully you understand my quandry: I'm trying to have a good time while watching baseball, but I'm also preparing for bed as I usually got to sleep immediately following the game (or during the game if it's on the west coast).
What should I drink? Have any other suggestions, like a white wine or liquor? What do you drink while watching baseball on TV?
Colin a.k.a. Fred Funk's brigade
Colin, this is very important to me and a question I have given a lot of thought to.
Beer is something I have a decent amount of opinions on. I have been drinking beer for about 6 to 11 years, depending on which grandparent is asking me the question. My favorite beers vary wildly across, but I will say the only beer I don't like is dark beer. Keep your Guiness away from me. Craft breweries have ruined stouts and porters by giving them stupid ingredients like honey or the blood of my enemies. It's a silly runaround trying to find out what you're tasting when I just want to taste one thing: beer.
During baseball games, I like to weigh a couple of factors, the first is how much will I be drinking? The second is, do I want to fall asleep?
Considering you hit the second, I would suggest a craft beer. You like IPAs and Pale Ales, and those are perfect for knocking me the heck out. I'll drink two or three of those and be drooling on the couch within the hour, you can count on that my guy.
If I'm looking to drink a lot and not fall asleep I stick with the tried and true bottom shelf beer. Pabst is a personal favorite. I'll also drink Keystone and Labatt if I so choose. I stay away from Bud Light, though. No thank you -- I have standards.
During a baseball game, Coors Banquet is my number one go to. Maybe it's growing up in the pristine Rocky Mountains where the Coors flows like water and starts to taste like it too after you've had a few.
For you, I suggest a heavier beer. Not too heavy so that you can't enjoy it but heavy enough that you enjoy yourself and can fall asleep. Don't drink too many though, an IPA hangover is one of the four worst hangovers you can incur in your lifetime.
I do not know anything about wine. I usually drink that out of a box so I'm not an expert. As for liquor, I once drank scotch while watching baseball and I have to say, one of the best moments of my life.
I hope you're well and this helps, Colin. Thanks for writing in.
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Which Famous Rapper are the Rockies Kicking out This Week?
This week, the Rockies are kicking out famous rapper Waka Flocka.
Just got kicked out the Rockies game in Denver …. But I seen three home runs— Waka Flocka (@WakaFlocka) April 28, 2016
We're not sure why Waka was thrown out, though we do have our theories (rhymes with PEARAWANUH). It didn't really hurt Waka's view of the city it seems like.
I’m moving to Denver— Waka Flocka (@WakaFlocka) April 28, 2016
Waka please email me so we can find out why you were removed from the ballpark.
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Has Connor Been Owned? (By someone other than Thomas Wilson)
Each week, our team of investigators and officials here at Connor, Inc. will look into whether or not Connor was the victim of an "own". For the uneducated, an own is often a comeback or put down that renders the person speechless and unable to turn the conversation around. It's also described as a "serve" or "savage." I'm a medical miracle in that at no point in my life have I been owned by anyone not named Thomas Wilson online or in real life.
Here is what is being brought forth to the Committee of Owns this week as alleged evidence of my owning:
Spilly is a popular tweeter in the Pittsburgh metro area, so you can see why this tweet is a big deal. Is it a legal definition of an own? Not exactly, but it presents the crowd with full grounds to own at will, which is actually worse if you think about it.
Think about it like this: I'm Santino Corleone and Spilly is Emilio Barzini; this tweet is the plot to get me assassinated. Is Spilly the one that pulled the trigger? No, but who's scarier than someone who brings forth the plot.
In the end, no one sent me any owns and the Rockies sure did deserve some owns after getting swept by the Pirates this week. So the committee ruled quickly on this that I was not owned in this instance. Any dissemination of information to the contrary will be met with swift legal recourse. Thank you.