Welcome to Football Friday, a baseball column by Connor. Each week I will dive into the previous seven days of baseball news, shout my opinion into the void, discuss some things about the Colorado Rockies, and answer your emails. Some of them.
We’re two weeks from the non-waiver trade deadline in Major League Baseball: the pinnacle moment in the season where contenders make their move and other teams, teams like the Rockies (maybe?), mortgage the present for a shot at the future.
When it comes to the deadline, a problem always seems to rise up: fans debating the merits of trading every single player. It happens every July; someone suggests we trade a good player and someone else chimes in, “No, I like that good player! Perhaps we should trade this bad player instead?”
To which another person, a third person, says, “That player isn’t bad! Trade the first player, he is not as good as you think.”
Then the first person, the person who threw the trade idea out there in the first place says, “I don’t care who is good or bad, this team needs to make moves!”
Then, the third person says, “Second person is an idiot, you’re all idiots!”
Second person, now offended, types in all caps, “OH IM AN IDIOT?” then in lower case “Perhaps you should learn how to have a reasonable discussion.”
First person, who just wanted to talk about fun trade ideas with his pals, “OK guys let’s not get heated.”
Third person, who is heated, “I’m not heated, I just think it’s incredibly foolish for someone to believe this player is too good to be traded, is all.”
Second person, who is also heated, takes a few minutes to reply because he had to delete his tweet a couple times and says, “Look man, I like him and I think he can fit with the team. If that’s foolish then call me foolish but at least I’m (1/2)”
A few minutes later.
“Not an a-hole. (2/2)”
Does this sound familiar? Well, it should. This is a standard fan-to-fan interaction around the trade deadline. Our emotions are so tied up in this giant game of checkers that we become hobgoblins of anger and rage; we act like these silly debates on baseball trades are worth merit to the people who are actually doing the job. Fans turn on players they cheered for just a few days ago to make a point that they want them to be traded. Normal Twitter discussions or comment sections turn into the House of Representatives in 1856 and we all become Preston Brooks with our canes, just beating the crap out of each other until we fall asleep or our girlfriends give us a weird look for getting so riled up about someone we’ve never met.
Baseball, baby! What a game!
Navigating trade deadline discussions and ideas can be treacherous waters, like the seas of lore you must be careful and prepare before diving in. Here are three tip to take to heart before joining any trade discussion.
Tip 1: Make sure the person you want to engage is cool and nice
The main problem you’re going to run into in any trade discussion is that the person you’re engaging in the discussion is cool. There are a lot of people online who aren’t cool. In fact, I would say most people online are not cool at all. Here are some red flags that the person you’re engaging is not cool:
-They think they’re smarter than you.
-They have their team record or how long they’ve been a fan in their display name.
-They have Tweeted or Facebook commented their trade demands at the official team account thinking that would help.
-They use the words “silly” or “impractical” when describing opinions that do not align with their own.
-They are named Bobby DeMuro.
If this person you’re about to engage shows one or more of these characteristics, they are not cool and you will be mad at them.
Tip 2: Once engaged with person, is it really worth it?
The point of trade discussions should be a friendly bond with fans, but many see it as a way to become the dominant voice in conversations. They don’t want to discuss trade value, they want to tell you what players are worth and have you agree with them. If you don’t agree, they will make fun of you until you log off.
If you find yourself engaged with someone and they seem like they might be trying to dominate the conversation, ask yourself, is it really worth it?
Because, in the end, nobody is going to care. Hell, in a few days even you will forget. So, before you start getting in a heated discussion about the merits of trading Charlie Blackmon for an ancient Incan artifact that will provide the Rockies immeasurable talent, consider if it’s worth it to get so mad about something that honestly doesn’t effect anything in the universe.
Tip 3: Don’t hold a grudge
There is nothing worse about online sports discussions than the grudges people hold. You exit a discussion and then four weeks engage that person again only for your past transgressions on Jake McGee to be brought up. I know he hasn’t been good, guys! You don’t have to remind me every minute like you’re my girlfriend and I once accidentally killed your pet hedgehog by leaving the window open in January! I’m sorry Sarah I didn’t know they couldn’t live through 20 degree nights, sorry I’m a political science minor, not a biology minor!
If the person you’re dealing with is a jerk to you, keep that information at the ready to never deal with them again but don’t hold a grudge. It’s never good to enter a discussion with the memory of past transgressions on your mind. You’ll only get angry and there is nothing worse than being angry online.
Hope this helps! Please don’t tell me if it doesn’t.
★ ★ ★
Connor watches The Bachelorette
This season, I've decided to watch The Bachelorette, I have never watched this show before, and I'm not sure if I like it or if I am just a fan of people making themselves look like idiots on national television. Maybe a little of both. Anyway, in this section, I will talk about something I noticed during my viewing of The Bachelorette.
Wow, what an episode this week you guys.
The final six competitors were once again in Argentina with JoJo, competing for her heart and more importantly, further acting opportunities after the show.
In the episode, JoJo once again pulled off one of the single coldest moves in Bachelorette history. A few weeks ago, she convinced lovely boy Wells to kiss her, only to dump him a few minutes later. This week, she brought on the living Napoleon complex Alex to a date where he confessed his love for her in front of a national television audience.
It did not go well.
Even though the date was not one where she was supposed to send someone home, Alex becoming the second member of the show to express his love for her gave her anxiety and she sent him home anyway.
Imagine, if you will, that you’re not on The Bachelorette and you’re just dating a girl (or guy, whatever you’re into). You tell this girl (or guy, whatever you’re into) you’re in love with her (or him, whatever you’re into), they respond by asking you to leave and putting you in a pickup truck, you drive away wondering if maybe you shouldn’t have spoken your true feelings.
Dating in any capacity has hundreds of moments like this, moments where you either spill how you feel to someone or hold it inside for fear that they don’t feel the same way. JoJo is in a tough position because by the rules of the game she can’t say “I love you” to anyone but the winner, so already Alex is at more of a disadvantage than a regular person when saying the L word. Combine that with national TV and you can see why it’s almost pointless to ever say your feelings on this show.
Alex did and he was punished heavily for it.
Later, Jordan Rodgers also said he was in love with JoJo, but she was totally down for that because Jordan could literally murder someone and she’d find a way to spin zone it in his favor.
Also sent home was the only truly normal person on the program, James Taylor. James’s only fault was not being as stupid good looking as the other men in the house. While Jordan and Luke could say anything and get JoJo’s heart, James actually had to have twice the personality to win it. He was close, but in the end lost. James had his faults, he was petty and hated the other men for being better looking than him. But, he was sweet and honest, James Taylor felt more like a real person than any of the other lightly toasted white bread dweebs on the program. Anyway, I’ll miss James. Here he is shoving way too many fries in his mouth for an unknown reason.
★ ★ ★
Drew Pomeranz Got Traded
It’s once again time to play America’s favorite recurring game, Drew Pomeranz Got Traded!
Pomeranz rediscovered a bit of why the Rockies made him the key return in the Ubaldo Jimenez trade in the first half with San Diego, so the Padres cashed in and sent him to the Red Sox for one of Boston’s top prospects. Boston is currently fighting for the American League East and needs someone to stabilize that rotation. Enter, Drew Pomeranz.
Pomeranz has now been traded four times since 2011, he has three years of major league service time.
Tune in next time, for Drew Pomeranz Got Traded!
★ ★ ★
Has Connor Been Owned? (By someone other than Thomas Wilson)
Each week, our team of investigators and officials here at Connor, Inc., will look into whether Connor was the victim of an "own." For the uneducated, an own is often a comeback or put down that renders the person speechless and unable to turn the conversation around. It's also described as a "serve" or "savage." I'm a medical miracle in that at no point in my life have I been owned by anyone not named Thomas Wilson online or in real life.
Here is what is being brought forth to the Committee of Owns this week as alleged evidence of my owning:
The tweet itself isn’t the own attempt, it’s the three dang retweets! Erin knows I’m not worthless; I once helped her move her air conditioning unit in her apartment, twice! But the three people who retweeted it must be put in prison for their transgressions against the brand.
In the end, the committee ruled I was not owned in this instance due to the original statement being false and the retweeters are now owned for disseminating false info.