Welcome to Football Friday, a baseball column by Connor. Each week I will dive into the previous seven days of baseball news, shout my opinion into the void, discuss some things about the Colorado Rockies, and answer your emails. Some of them.
It's an age-old question and one that has plagued sports writers since the invention of trades: how do I grade and compare trades side by side?
The idea of judging trades on a win/loss scale has been kicked back and forth since the first men of sports writing, but it's an archaic practice, a practice desperately in need of an upgrade for the kids. Nobody wants to know just simple trade wins and trade losses anymore. They want to know how badly they won that trade.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have the upgrade.
I present to you, the Yency Almonte Scale of Trade Returns and Pieces Gained, or "How Many Almontes?" for short.
Yency Almonte is a hard throwing right-handed pitcher the Rockies quietly acquired over the winter for wayward reliever Tommy Kahnle, who the Rockies got for nothing as a selection in the Rule 5 draft. Almonte's first season in the Rockies organization has exceeded even the highest expectation, as the starter has thrown himself into the discussion as one of the top 30 prospects in the organization and one of the top 15 pitching prospects in a very deep pitching system.
Almonte's acquisition for someone as expendable (read: not good) as Tommy Kahnle is a major win for a front office attempting to build extensive depth in pitching. Almonte's presence is not only an indication of a plan, but also a key indicator that the plan is being executed.
But beyond that, Yency Almonte is a dividing line between a "good trade" and a "bad trade." If you're worth more than an Almonte you are likely a high priority target in a major trade, if you're worth less than an Almonte, you're likely a non-prospect and it's doubtful you'll provide value at the Major Leagues. For example, German Marquez is worth 2.1 Almontes. Jeff Hoffman is worth 3.48 Almontes, Brandon Barnes is worth 0.7 Almontes, etc.
"How Many Almontes?" America's favorite trade grading scale, is trademark Connor Farrell, INC. Any dissemination of this product without prior consent or approval is violation of that trademark.
All future trades must be discussed on the How Many Almontes? scale to be considered legitimate and valid, the amount of Almontes a player is worth is obviously up for debate, but a general consensus must be reached before a decision can be made. For instance, if seven people feel a player is worth 1.5 Almontes and one person feels that player is worth 1.2 Almontes, the scale will only recognize the majority rule.
Since the Rockies have not made a trade yet this July, we will discuss how many Almontes their current trade targets are worth. Keep in mind these are my estimations and a majority rule has not been reached on any of these players' Almonte Ratings.
1. Charlie Blackmon - 3.38 Almontes
Charlie's cheap, in the prime of his career, and has broken out to be an extremely valuable center fielder and lead off man for any team in Major League Baseball. He's not going to win an MVP award or a batting title, but he'll be an All-Star contender and a consistent every day player on any of the other 29 teams. Over three Almontes worth of value.
2. Carlos Gonzalez - 2.95 Almontes
CarGo is an exceptional power hitter, one of the best to ever play in purple, but he's expensive and injury prone. Any team acquiring Carlos is also acquiring a risk, dropping his total Almonte Value to below three Almontes.
3. Boone Logan - 2.35 Almontes
This is easy. Boone is 2.35 times the pitcher Tommy Kahnle is; therefore he's worth 2.35 what Kahnle returned.
4. Jorge De La Rosa - 1.70 Almontes
Jorge's clearly not the pitcher he used to be, but he's still worth something to desperate teams looking for rotation help. Add in that he's in a contract year and it adds to his Almonte Value, teams don't see much of a risk in acquiring Jorge and the Rockies could ask for more.
5. Nick Hundley - 1 Almonte
You're just hoping to get a Yency for Nick at this point, Hundley's bat has dwindled to barely above replacement level and he's clearly inferior defensively to Tony Wolters. With Tom Murphy waiting in the wings, Hundley's time as a Rockie should be coming to close very soon.
★ ★ ★
Connor watches The Bachelorette
This season, I've decided to watch The Bachelorette, I have never watched this show before, and I'm not sure if I like it or if I am just a fan of people making themselves look like idiots on national television. Maybe a little of both. Anyway, in this section, I will talk about something I noticed during my viewing of The Bachelorette.
Well, here we are, the final four competitors.
This week JoJo visited the hometowns of all the remaining contestants. She visited Colorado, California, Texas, and wherever Robby is from to meet families, have some dinner, and meet the siblings (most of them). In this time, we learned a few things about the remaining contestants. Things like, Jordan and his Super Bowl MVP brother Aaron don't speak at all, or that Chase and his sister have very odd understandings of what love means, or that Luke's dad looks like he's undergoing waterboarding when he has to show affection to his son.
That second point is something I'd really like to address. Chase and his sister discuss love and their abandonment issues in depth during an extremely scripted segment of the program. Here's a portion of the conversation:
Chase: Love is so weird.
Chase's sister: It's weird for us.
Chase: But like, it's just a word.
Chase's sister: It's more than just a word.
Chase: It is so much more than a word.
Chase and his sister were left by their father pretty early on in their lives and it has led to a tumultuous relationship between the three, to say the least. This relationship has led to some issues with commitment and love for Chase and his sister, but like they say, love is just a word only it isn't just a word.
In the end, no one was sent home this week. All four remain on the show and next week is a two-night finale event where JoJo chooses her perfect match. At this point, we've gotten to know the four finalists so well that it would be a bit of a shock if she sent home any of them. Add on to that the fact that all four have said the L word (lemonade) to her and it's pretty much a guarantee that there's going to be a stupid amount of tears over the next four hours.
Tune in next week for the final review.
The Good Opinion of the Week
Each week, I will personally scour Rockies-related Twitter feeds for good opinions on food, music, movies, or even bottled water. I will feature anything that I look at and think "that is a good opinion." This week, the good opinion comes from nobody. Nobody had any good opinions this week. I looked for an hour for a good opinion and couldn't find a single one. The worst part is this section took a couple of weeks off and even then you guys couldn't come up with a good opinion.
I'm not mad—I'm just extremely disappointed.
★ ★ ★
Has Connor Been Owned? (By someone other than Thomas Wilson)
Each week, our team of investigators and officials here at Connor, Inc., will look into whether Connor was the victim of an "own." For the uneducated, an own is often a comeback or put down that renders the person speechless and unable to turn the conversation around. It's also described as a "serve" or "savage." I'm a medical miracle in that at no point in my life have I been owned by anyone not named Thomas Wilson online or in real life.
Here is what is being brought forth to the Committee of Owns this week as alleged evidence of my owning:
I applied for verification on Twitter this week and was told that my account was not eligible for verification. Twitter did not inform why my account was not eligible or what I would need to do to accomplish eligibility, just that I wasn't eligible. Frankly, I'm enraged.
How could this website do this to me? If anyone needs a checkmark, folks, it's me. At any point in time I could break news on that website and if I did nobody would believe me. People only believe those with a checkmark and now anyone can go and make an account with my face on it and say "Charlie Blackmon traded for a giant shark statue" and everyone will think I tweeted that stupid, incorrect fact.
I'm demoralized and angry, Twitter is now an enemy of the brand.
The committee ruled I was not owned.