This past weekend, the Rockies announced a very special event for fans of love, holidays, and giant purple dinosaurs.
That’s right folks, for a fee of 150 American dollars your favorite Rockies mascot will head out to your significant other’s home and deliver a very special valentine to them!
Valentine’s Day has origins that stretch back for years in Western Society. Honoring one of the earliest Saints, Valentinus. Although it is not a public holiday in any nation (which is a load of crap), Valentine’s Day is one of the most recognized celebrations of love in Western culture. Though some argue that the holiday was created by the jewelry and greeting card companies to trick people (mostly men) into being nice for once, the holiday does have origins that stretch back centuries.
What better way to honor the Patron Saint of Love than to send a giant purple dinosaur to terrify and possibly traumatize the person you adore?
No, I’m only kidding, people love Dinger! I’m sure this is a great idea.
For years, people have been letting the words and actions of others symbolize their love for one another. For any person who’s ever made their boo a mixtape, for anyone who’s ever used the lines of a poem to express their love, for anyone who’s ever considered sending a man dressed as a giant purple dinosaur, the Rockies are here for you. They have seen your desires and they have acted accordingly. Dinger is here to help you profess your love and he is your symbol of romance for only $150 (flat rate, no negotiations).
Using Dinger as a celebration and confession of your love may not be the usual way of going about things and it may even be considered a little weird, but there is something to be said about being unique in a relationship.
Nobody wants to get bogged down in the ordinary, which is why marriage counselors always insist couples spice up their relationship in different ways. What better way to spice up a relationship than to send Dinger? I know a LOT of people who would be very happy that their S.O. took the time to think of them when they spent more than $100 on sending out a mascot on an errand.
Yes folks, sending Dinger may not be your first thought for this Valentine’s Day but it is definitely your best thought. So fork up that money and send this lovable speckled Dino to the person you love the most.
In totally unrelated news, I’ve set up a GoFundMe to get Dinger to visit me for my birthday (which is on Valentine’s Day, how crazy is that?). If you’d like to donate to send Dinger to me, here is the link.
It’s unconfirmed if the Rockies will actually allow me to do this, but I figure it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Impress the one you love the most, or just impress me this Valentine’s Day!