An admittedly off-beat look at some of the more questionable elements of the Coors Field game day experience (augmented with constructive suggestions, where appropriate).

The Comfort Dental Race is possibly the lamest gimmick in all of baseball. If the powers that be insist on keeping it they should at least spice it up with a couple of new entrants: Mr. Cavity and a Periodontal Scraping Tool.

Any tradition borrowed from other teams has to go. Instead of throwing home run balls hit by the opposing team back on the field I suggest we throw a randomly selected Cubs' fans on the field. When we run out of these guys we can start looking for the nimrods wearing Red Sox caps.

Singing "God Bless America" in the seventh isn't nearly enough to convince me of the patriotism of my fellow patrons. Mass loyalty oaths between innings may be necessary.

Keeping a running total of K's by Rox pitchers is a nice feature. How about we augment it with a running total of pick-up line strike outs in the Party Deck? I'm thinking the stats will be impressive.

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