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We have entered Bizarro World

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The Rockies pitching is good? The Rockies offense is bad? Dogs and cats living together?

MLB: Colorado Rockies at San Francisco Giants Lance Iversen-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to Football Friday (Season Two). The wildly popular weekly column has returned for a second year of diving into the theories, analysis, and fun of baseball. Every week we here at Football Friday will use all of our integrity and other things that sound impressive to deliver the best baseball column you’ve ever seen or ever will see. We at Football Friday, Inc are honest, truthful, and most of all we’re serious journalists. Every single one of us.

The Colorado Rockies are 7-4 after a 3-1 win over the San Francisco Giants last night in California.

But, it’s how they are 7-4 that is causing some weird conversations and tensions in the Rockies fan base.

The whispers are beginning to start, from room to room and fan to fan.

“Is the Rockies offense bad? Is their pitching good?”

It’s unheard of. The Rockies pitching is right at the league average for runs allowed, that combined with playing 6 of their first 11 games at Coors makes people begin to ask the question, is the pitching staff good?

Even the worst pitchers, the ones with the highest ERAs, should get better. Jon Gray’s lingering toe injury has kept his ERA over four for his first three starts and Tyler Anderson’s seen some control issues early on as he gets his arm into regular season mode. Even Kyle Freeland should surely carry a sub-5 ERA as he settles into the league and learns which pitches get major leaguers out.

Beyond the starters, the relievers look outstanding. The potential for burnout remains as the ‘pen gets more and more work early on. But, for now, the Rockies bullpen is sporting a 2.20 ERA. That’s good for eighth in BASEBALL. Adam Ottavino fought through early wildness to become his old self. Greg Holland hasn’t looked invincible but six appearances in and he’s yet to give up a run. Carlos Estevez and Jake McGee look streets ahead of where they were last year. Chris Rusin is old reliable. Suddenly, a bullpen that ruined our lives last year, a bullpen we theorized was cursed by an ancient evil, is good.

Then, there’s the offense.

The Rockies have only reached seven runs (the taco’s number) one time so far this year. They’ve been held under five runs eight times already, they only scored six runs against the Padres in three games. The bats are colder than Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining. The bats are moving in on New York City where Jack Gyllenhaal is trapped in the library with his girlfriend Emmy Rossum and his dad Dennis Quaid is miles away.

I’m saying the bats are cold.

The Rockies are batting .223 as a team to begin the season, that’s good for 23rd in baseball. Last year, they finished with an average around .275, which was second best behind Boston. The 2017 Rockies have opened the year 20th in OPS at .699 (nice). The batting is bad.

We’ve entered Bizarro World.

The opposite of everything we know to be true is happening. Up is down, left is right, dogs and cats are living together, the Rockies most certainly have one of the better pitching staffs in baseball. These are all things that are more ridiculous the more you say them out loud, and yet, we are experiencing them in real life.

The Rockies offense has been anything but fun the first eleven games. In any other season, they’d be a completely different record than 7-4. But in Bizarro World, anything is possible. You could even have one of the best pitching staffs in the NL. You could have a million dollars. I don’t know, maybe not that second one. I’m just saying, I have no idea what is going on right now.

Bizarro World Rockies find themselves in a more sustainable position to contend than previous iterations. Bizarro World Rockies may just find themselves competing in September. Bizarro World Rockies have confused the world.

★ ★ ★

The Good Tweet of the Week

The good tweet this week comes from Rockies Dril. Which is a weird account that parodies one of the first weird twitter icons, Dril.

This is a funny tweet but it’s even funnier if you’ve spent the last six years of your life retweeting Dril tweets and thinking “what the hell”.

Give Rockies wint a follow. They’re good, whoever they are.

It’s not me, I swear to God.

★ ★ ★

So This Happened

So this week, this happened.

A cat ran on the field in Miami.

The Marlins named it Don Cattingly, after manager Don Mattingly, and he (?) was adopted by a member of the Marlins front office.

The cat appeared in the outfield during the Marlins loss to the Braves on April 12. It prompted worries that they could not turn on the home run device in center field without injuring the cat.

Well, the cat is fine, it was given an adorable ass name and now it’s in the home of a loving Marlins FO member.

★ ★ ★

Connor Farrell vs. Connor Harrell

Connor Harrell retired this past week. With that news, it’s time to retire Connor Farrell vs. Connor Harrell into the rafters of Football Friday. Now, it will sit for eternity next to Has Connor Been Owned?

Best of luck in life, Connor Harrell.

I just want to announce, that I Connor Farrell, win this round of Connor Farrell vs. Connor Harrell.

Thank you.