If you’re like me (and I know I am), you’re probably already extremely bored with the main offseason storylines:
1. There are free agents.
2. Trades could happen.
Well, there’s good news: This offseason has graced us with a third choice.
You see, Denver teams are inherently cheating because they’re better adjusted to higher altitudes and thus can breathe better than their opponents.
Related: Santa Claus sucks.
Canceled: Denver. Or at least sports teams in Denver
Approved: This counter-petition to raise all of Denver’s stadiums 1,000 feet.
Canceled: Bernie Brewer, the Brewers, either Christian Yelich or Yu Darvish
People are talking.
Specifically, some people have apparently told the New York Post about “a variety of methods they think have been or could be employed, such as a realistic-looking electronic bandage placed on a player’s body that buzzes in real time to signal what is coming.”
Buzzing bandages. Seriously.
We can all agree they were definitely using vibrating jockstraps too, right?
Canceled: Still the Astros, vibrating wearables
Approved: Anonymous sources
Related: Rob Manfred says he doesn’t think poor leadership, misogyny, domestic violence or HEB commercials extend beyond the Astros.
Approved: The other 29 MLB teams.
Luckily, the Rockies are definitely not involved in a technology-assisted cheating scandal. We know this for two reasons:
1. They’re already cheating by being located in Denver.
2. There’s no rule against using magic in MLB, so noted witch Ian Desmond could simply cast a spell to reveal all opponents’ signs.
In Rockies-specific news:
You may have heard about MLB’s plan to restructure the minor leagues. This move would sever ties with two Rockies affiliates: the Advanced Single-A Lancaster JetHawks and the Advanced Rookie Grand Junction Rockies.
The move would also get rid of the entire Pioneer League, so the Mountain Time Zone would be losing 7 of its 11 teams.
Canceled: 42 teams, including the Rocky Mountain Vibes, which is sad because they become the Lloronas during the Copa de la Diversión, and that’s an awesome name.
Approved: The Salt Lake Bees?
TL;DR: The Rockies have some good hitters and some less good hitters.
Canceled: Remains to be seen.
Approved: Nolan. Trevor. Probably some others.
I’m sorry to report we’ve now moved from trade rumors to Rule 5 draft rumors. But this article asks an important question: Should they stay, or should they go?
Potentially canceled: Mike Nikorak (RHP, single-A in 2019), Chris Rabago (C, AAA in 2019), Brian Mundell (1B, AAA in 2019), Reid Humphreys (RHP, injured for all of 2019), Daniel Montano (OF, single-A in 2019)
Approved: Ben Bowden (LHP, projected to hit the majors in 2020), Tyler Nevin (1B/utility, AA in 2019), Robert Tyler (RHP, high-A in 2019), Roberto Ramos (1B, AAA in 2019)
Brendan Rodgers, a lot of young guys and those guys from the Rule 5 article I just mentioned.
Canceled: This isn’t that kind of article.
Approved: Everyone on this top-50 list.
And then there’s this:
Despite all the sign-stealing rumors, the Brewers did have one good PR move this week: They’re bringing back the old ball-in-glove logo. So what do you think?
Is the Brewers’ new/old logo awesome?
This poll is closed