By now you may have figured out that I’m a cynical joy-hater who dislikes following rules or doing anything people tell me to do. So naturally, I find the mandatory giving of thanks to be boring and uninspired.
But tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so I thought it might be “fun” if we all took a few minutes to reflect on some of the things I’m thankful for.
1. The existence of Nolan Arenado
Admittedly, this is not an article, as you may have surmised from the whole “YouTube” thing. Instead, it’s over six minutes of Nolan being Nolan.
2. Trevor Story is a good guy at sports.
The reason is that he is very good.
The Rockies also don’t exactly have a backup. I mean, they have Brendan Rodgers and Garrett Hampson — both are former shortstops, but neither of them comes anywhere close to Story in terms of arm strength or range. And that’s just on the defensive side of the ball.
So basically, the Rockies aren’t trading Trevor Story.
3. Jon Gray is not going away.
Hey, guess what.
You also can’t have Jon Gray.
But just for fun, here’s another article suggesting the Rockies should trade Jon Gray or German Marquez.
4. Ladies can do stuff now.
Yes, it’s a great time to be a woman named Rachel in baseball.
Sure, we have to deal with articles that offer brilliant investigative journalism like “This pretty young lady is Rachel Luba; we found the blue-eyed stunner on several photos posted on Trevor Bauer’s Instagram account, so we wonder is Ms. Luba Bauer’s girlfriend?” (She’s not. She’s his agent.)
And sure, sometimes the headlines are things like “Yankees Hire a Woman as a Minor League Hitting Coach.” (To be fair, this has been updated to “The Yankees Hired a Hitting Coach. Her Name Is Rachel,” which I guess is better.)
5. Alexis and Snuckles are safe.
Here’s a fun idea I just thought of: What if, instead of professional athletes abusing their significant others, they didn’t?
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In closing, let’s all give thanks for our food, for our friends, for our families and for Upham Woods.
And, most importantly, for Nolan Arenado.