Competitive pets: The National League’s top dog

If you’re like me (and I know I am), you’re really sick of everything being the worst.

Well, good news! Pets exist.

Inspired by last week’s Rockpile that coincidentally posted the same day as Molly Knight’s story in The Athletic ($), along with the fact that sports writers don’t have a lot to write about and players don’t have a lot to be competitive about right now, I’d like to introduce Competitive Pets.

Let’s take a look at some of the cutest, sweetest, and overall goodest dogs to determine who is truly the National League’s Top Dog.

Here are the rules:

1. At least one dog per entry. (A cat couldn’t win Top Dog. That would be illogical.)

2. No more than two dogs per entry. (Two’s company. Three’s just a lot of dogs.)

3. New puppies are not eligible. (With apologies to Piper Yamamoto and the Heyward pups, including puppies would be highly unfair.)

The polls will be open for one week, and then the winners will face off to determine the ultimate Top Dog.

Here are your nominees:

Group 1: Puppy Pairs

1. Kona and Benny the Jet (Kyle Freeland, Rockies)

Photos courtesy of @konabear_and_bennythejet on Instagram

Kona and Benny just won the Rockies’ Cutest Pet crown. Also, in case you hadn’t heard, the Jet stole home.

2. Arizona and Bruce Wayne (Kiké Hernández, Dodgers)

Photos courtesy of kehndez and @thesecretlifeofbruceandzona on Instagram

Kiké Hernández is a weirdo, but he’s the kind of weirdo who has his dogs in his wedding, and I feel like that’s something all of us other weirdos in the world can absolutely get behind.

3. Dozer and Dash (Amir Garrett, Reds)

Photos courtesy of @dozeranddash on Instagram

Pitbulls: The misunderstood sweethearts of the dog world. Somehow it just seems like these two belonged with Amir Garrett.

4. Rookie and Missy (Rhys Hoskins, Phillies)

Photos courtesy of @thelifeofrookie on Instagram

OK, Rookie is the real star of the show here, but Missy deserves some credit for putting up with all this. She is, after all, a cat.

5. Willow and Mac (Jeff McNeil, Mets)

Photos courtesy of @misswillowmcneil on Instagram

Here is a dog and her cat friend who are very cute but no cuter than any other dogs and/or cats on this list. (Was that convincing? I’m trying to remain impartial.)

Group 2: Solo Dogs

1. Cooper (Christian Yelich, Brewers)

Photos courtesy of @cooper.yelich on Instagram

I’m a huge Christian Yelich fan, and somehow Cooper exudes the exact same energy Christian does. I wonder if Cooper runs face-first into walls too.

2. Jake the Snake (Brandon Nimmo, Mets)

Photos courtesy of @jake_the_snake_nimmo on Instagram

From looking at Jake’s Instagram, I feel extremely confident in telling you that he is absolutely spoiled rotten. And I, for one, am totally OK with that.

3. Riggins (Josh Hader, Brewers)

Photos courtesy of @riggins_and_riley on Instagram

Riggins is better groomed than Josh Hader is.

4. Kevin (Anthony Rizzo, Cubs)

Photos courtesy of @arizz_44 on Instagram

If this contest was Best Dog Name...you know what? Never mind. There wouldn’t even be a contest. His name is Kevin.

5. Bennie (Pablo Lopez, Marlins)

Photos courtesy of @bennielopez49 on Instagram

Bennie and Pablo are so adorable that I just involuntarily became a Marlins fan.