If you’re like me (and I know I am), you’re really sick of everything being the worst.
Well, good news! Pets exist.
Inspired by last week’s Rockpile that coincidentally posted the same day as Molly Knight’s story in The Athletic ($), along with the fact that sports writers don’t have a lot to write about and players don’t have a lot to be competitive about right now, I’d like to introduce Competitive Pets.
Let’s take a look at some of the cutest, sweetest, and overall goodest dogs to determine who is truly the National League’s Top Dog.
Here are the rules:
1. At least one dog per entry. (A cat couldn’t win Top Dog. That would be illogical.)
2. No more than two dogs per entry. (Two’s company. Three’s just a lot of dogs.)
3. New puppies are not eligible. (With apologies to Piper Yamamoto and the Heyward pups, including puppies would be highly unfair.)
The polls will be open for one week, and then the winners will face off to determine the ultimate Top Dog.
Here are your nominees:
Group 1: Puppy Pairs
1. Kona and Benny the Jet (Kyle Freeland, Rockies)
Kona and Benny just won the Rockies’ Cutest Pet crown. Also, in case you hadn’t heard, the Jet stole home.
2. Arizona and Bruce Wayne (Kiké Hernández, Dodgers)
Kiké Hernández is a weirdo, but he’s the kind of weirdo who has his dogs in his wedding, and I feel like that’s something all of us other weirdos in the world can absolutely get behind.
3. Dozer and Dash (Amir Garrett, Reds)
Pitbulls: The misunderstood sweethearts of the dog world. Somehow it just seems like these two belonged with Amir Garrett.
4. Rookie and Missy (Rhys Hoskins, Phillies)
OK, Rookie is the real star of the show here, but Missy deserves some credit for putting up with all this. She is, after all, a cat.
5. Willow and Mac (Jeff McNeil, Mets)
Here is a dog and her cat friend who are very cute but no cuter than any other dogs and/or cats on this list. (Was that convincing? I’m trying to remain impartial.)
This poll is closed
Kona and Benny
Arizona and Bruce Wayne
Dozer and Dash
Rookie and Missy
Willow and Mac
Group 2: Solo Dogs
1. Cooper (Christian Yelich, Brewers)
I’m a huge Christian Yelich fan, and somehow Cooper exudes the exact same energy Christian does. I wonder if Cooper runs face-first into walls too.
2. Jake the Snake (Brandon Nimmo, Mets)
From looking at Jake’s Instagram, I feel extremely confident in telling you that he is absolutely spoiled rotten. And I, for one, am totally OK with that.
3. Riggins (Josh Hader, Brewers)
Riggins is better groomed than Josh Hader is.
4. Kevin (Anthony Rizzo, Cubs)
If this contest was Best Dog Name...you know what? Never mind. There wouldn’t even be a contest. His name is Kevin.
5. Bennie (Pablo Lopez, Marlins)
Bennie and Pablo are so adorable that I just involuntarily became a Marlins fan.
This poll is closed
Jake the Snake