In the depths of space, there is a planet. This blue marble has innumerable varieties of life; there are animals, plants, protozoa, and perhaps the most fascinating of all, the Colorado Rockies.
They’re unlike any other team in MLB, at times playing like they’re not of this earth. And so that got me thinking - what if they weren’t of this earth at all? Or even this galaxy?
Well it’s Star Wars Day at Coors Field, so now’s as good a time as any to discuss the topic. Which Rockie is Luke Skywalker? Who is Han Solo? And who could possibly be Jar Jar? Strap yourselves in, fire up your turbo lasers, and set your blasters to stun - we’re going into hyperspace!
Brendan Skyrodgers
The young, intrepid Floridian has been a revelation this season, and may be the one to lead the Rockies into the future. He’s got a lot to learn - not unlike Luke when first leaving Tatooine - but he has a good group of friends and mentors by his side. Could he be the one to topple the Empire?
Germán Solo
On a team that’s mostly manned by young players, the Rockies ace is often considered the elder statesman. That veteran guile has served Germán well in his career, and the cunning, crafty righty is adept at utilizing all tools available to lead him to a desirable outcome. A plus-pitcher at Coors... impossible? Never tell him the odds.
Charbacca
I mean, duh, right? The heart and soul of the team is also its furriest member, and the fan favorite fielder is a staple in Rockies culture. Blackmon is a former batting champion and All-Star, but how about we give this guy a medal?
Obud-Wan Kenoblack
Once a feared warrior in his heyday, this wise Jedi has decided to take a managerial role and train the heroes of tomorrow. Already taking a number of young pitchers under his wing, the mentorship of Black has proved invaluable to the Rockies as they transition into a new stage in their history. Keep an eye out for him on the top step of the dugout - he does prefer the high ground, after all.
Kyle Antilles
The Colorado native is an easy player to root for, and he’s a crucial part of the success of the team. A maverick with plenty of personality, there’s no one else you’d rather have on your wing.
Qui-Cron Jinn
A respected, seasoned member of the Rockies that exudes clutch. A trip to the Cron Zone is always an exciting moment, but the man behind the bat is the picture of stoicism otherwise. Don’t let that quiet nature fool you, lest you underestimate his true strength. Remember, there’s always a bigger fish.
The Younglings (Raimel Tapia, Connor Joe, Sam Hilliard, Jordan Sheffield, Ben Bowden)
These Padawans are being given an opportunity to excel on their own now, and many are relishing in the role. While their future remains to be seen, many on the Council are happily surprised by their maturation and development. The future of the Rockpublic is in good hands.
The GaLActic Empire
The most feared entity in the galaxy, the Empire holds dominion over the Rockpublic. While victories are won now and again over the malevolent force, the Dodgers have a tight grip over the galaxy. Fans of all teams are waiting for a rebellion, but who will be the one to lead it?
Emperor Palpatiedman
The orchestrator of the rise of the Empire, this is one of the most powerful beings in the entirety of the galaxy. His pure power and utter drive to conquer is unmatched, and he iron grip tightens every passing day. It’s hard not to appreciate his success, as sinister as it may seem. Do you hate him? Good... let the hate flow through you.
CIStros
Once the dominant group in the galaxy, this contingent of players has fallen to the wayside as the more imposing Empire seizes control. While still able to play a part in the growing conflict, the CIStros will have to rebuild and readjust before they can lay claim to the throne again.
Rob Rob Binks
Sorry, commish...